(no subject)

[littleorphanalien]

Michael's been irritable since he woke up and saw the date. June 14th.

The day that he and Max and Isobel were found wandering in the desert by the trucker. The day, for lack of better information, they chose to celebrate their birthdays. The day that they killed a drifter and Isobel started having her blackouts. He kind of hates this day. He slams drawers a little too hard, is too curt, and eventually excuses himself to go to the library where he can sulk in peace and not break down his engagement or his relationship with anyone in the process.

When he finally calms down (and he had to stop for an afternoon beer to help with that), he drives home, but freezes when he sees a glint of metal as he approaches the bungalow.

Getting out, Michael staggers to a stop, feeling something like uneasiness rising.

His Airstream is outside of the bungalow, and his truck hooked up to it.

The truck he lived in for years, the one he and Alex used to make out in the back of. The home he had that led to Alex giving him a place and the home he'd moved into as soon as he'd scratched together the money. They're here, and on his birthday. He wipes at his cheek when he realizes he's started crying, and he's not sure if it's because he's so angry at this place for giving him this kind of birthday present or whether it's relief to have these things here.

Comments

[unendurable]

While Alex often thinks of those things that happened on this day, he doesn't often think about the date itself. So when Michael starts snapping and moving around like an angry bear, he has no idea what to do about it.

When he leaves though it's hard. It's hard to cope with the fact that he doesn't know what to do and the worry that settles on his shoulders like fifty pounds that leaves him feeling heavy and worn down and nervous all day.

He gives Michael his space, even if that space involves checking on his location from time to time. It's not spying on him in the grand scheme of not wanting to give him his space, but that he'd been kidnapped and tortured and so Alex is never ever going to let that happen again.

He lets him be though, until he realizes that he's been home, but outside, for a while, and eventually he swallows his fear and heads outside to try and ask Michael if there's anything he can do to help.

And he finds himself standing on the other side of the truck and trailer.

"What? Where did these come from?!"

[littleorphanalien]

"You know how that spaceship crashed in the atmosphere?" Michael speaks, hearing how raw his voice is as he stares at them, sliding his fingers along the Airstream. The 'no free parking' sign is there, but inside, it's empty, just like the back of the truck is empty too.

He hasn't really looked at Alex, he's still staring at the things, debating how he feels.

"I'm pretty sure this is some kind of gift," he says, angry about that, angry that he said he didn't want to celebrate, and some higher power in this place decided to challenge him.

[unendurable]

Logically, as logical as the things Darrow does can be, but logically he knows how it happened. He got a piece of that ship. They'd had one of their biggest nights of Alex's panic over all they have in Michael disappearing all night when the ship crashed.

It doesn't make this truck and trailer showing up at their house any less weird.

Nor does it make the pain in Michael's voice any easier to deal with.

Moving to come to the front of the truck, staring at him without words for so long. Wanting to say something, to ask, to find a way to approach this and not knowing how. He just has no idea how to even begin.

"What... do you want me...." He sighs, feeling utterly useless in that moment. He tries to think about the things they've learned in therapy. "What do you need, Michael?"

[littleorphanalien]

Michael digs his hands into his hair, almost pulling it out. The curls are longer than they've ever been, a lot to hold onto, and he's just so stupidly angry. "I said," he says, voice low just in case Luke is inside, "that I didn't want to celebrate our chosen birthday. I said it out loud and you were respecting it, but then I come home to this like a gift and..."

He laughs, like he's losing control and he can't believe it.

"And you know what I want, Alex? All I want to do is stuff a pillow or two and some sleeping bags in there and make out with you. How fucked up is that?"

[unendurable]

He wants to tell him he knows. Because he does. He had respected it and let it go but he kind of stares at him for a minute because it was hard, but it was about what Michael wanted, so he'd gone along with him. But now...

"We know they don't listen, Michael," he whispers softly. "And if the worst thing they do to us is bring you this, it's better than things have been,' he points out, moving a few steps closer to Michael.

"It's not fucked up. It's memories, and thinks that were taken from us that we're getting back here, Michael. Maybe this place is trying to help us," he says softly. "I mean, we needed a work space for you and then your work space is here?"

[littleorphanalien]

The Airstream is empty, almost as if it's been prepared for him to move his materials in and work in it. It's thoughtful, if he had been after a gift, but he still can't help feeling irritated and angry that he didn't ask for this, and it feels like it's stirring up a hornet's nest.

"You seeing that truck is why we happened," he says, and then gives a rough laugh. "Don't need a second vehicle now, I guess."

[unendurable]

"What do you mean me seeing that truck?" Because that hurts because he starts thinking about a lot of it but those words sound like a reminder of the drive in and it hurts. He's apologized, tried to make things better but to have Michael say that, reminding him acutely, hurts. Worse is how much it hurts that these things here might remind him of all of that, and all they've gotten could be destroyed. They could be destroyed.

"We can sell them, Michael. If you want. Or donate them. Something. If you don't want them here, if they remind you of..."

Of the monster that Alex had been, and how horribly he treated Michael. God, now he's thinking that Michael will think of it ever single day of the drive in, the time they first saw one another again by the trailer, all the things that Alex had done and used to drive a wedge between them and now this is here to remind him.

"What do you need," he says softly, tone changing as he starts worrying more than he accepts it could be a good thing. "Whatever you need, Michael."

[littleorphanalien]

"If you hadn't found me in the back of my truck, with your stolen guitar, you never would've offered me the shed," Michael says, feeling like he wants to carry that logic down the road. "You gave me a guitar, I freaked out, and then we kissed. I fell in love with you for your kindness, your generosity, your you ness."

He grabs the side of the truck to hold on, squeezing tightly.

"I don't want to sell them," he says quietly. "It's where we made out during those lazy summer days, when I realized I couldn't love anyone the way I could love you. And the Airstream..." He gives him a shaky smile. "I got good memories there, too. Got a redo, don't we? No Isobel and bagels here."

See, cuz Michael doesn't look at them and think of the bad things, even though he knows they're there. They're so good, but he's mad that this place is co-opting them to piss him off by going against his wishes about a birthday.

[unendurable]

That Michael is thinking of that moment, and not other ones that could have caused so much between them now, and he can't even help but smile then. Even when he's nervous as Hell about Michael's mood and how it had been earlier, and what he can do to help rather than panicking and overreacting. He's been good for that in the past and it's caused a lot of issues for them, and he knows it.

Just like him looking just to the bad, to the horrible things he'd done. He had to not only forgive himself, but to let go.

"I want you to keep them," he admits. "I want you to be happy, even if it's today," he murmurs softly. "Because this day is important to us too, Michael. This place, our life and our family," he says softly.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael gives Alex a pathetic look, because he still wants to complain and bitch, but he doesn't think he has any right to. Besides, he might not want a cake or a present, but there is one thing he wants. "Hey," he says, voice rough as he steps towards Alex. "Go inside, grab a blanket and some pillows, okay?"

He thinks, if nothing else, he can try and make some of the frustrated feelings vanish if he can recreate some of the best moments he's had in this truck.

[unendurable]

Alex knows he's asking a lot but he also knows they both have things to work through. They're still going to therapy for these things, to work on these things with one another.

He smiles at that, moving in to Michael and cupping his cheek, kissing him tenderly. "I'll be right back," he says, thinking about that summer and how good it had been and he'd ruined that. But they're together now.

And he isn't gone long at all gathering those things and excited for this afternoon.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael digs out his phone to leave Luke a text about where they are, cementing the fact that they'll behave (maybe it's for Luke, maybe it's for himself) and then he crawls up into the truck's bed, taking his time to test the weight, the feel, and realize this really is his truck.

He leans over to take the trailer hitch off, knowing he'll need to move the Airstream out to the side, but for now, he waits until he sees Alex returning. "C'mere," he encourages, heart pounding as he thinks about those days, twelve years ago, when they did this.

[unendurable]

Laughing as he tosses things over the side before he moves to climb into the back of the truck. Sliding up carefully, reaching for Michael even as he does. In an instant he feels ten years younger as he moves towards Michael. It's like it's that summer all over again, except he knows how it ends and he finally knows it'll end happy.

He never had that belief before. Not for sure. Not until here and now.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael grins as he positions the pillows and blankets very carefully, the way he would if he were planning to sleep out here all night. He's not, though, and he gives Alex a fond look as he lies down and nods towards him. "If I have to celebrate my hatching day," he says quietly. "Make out with me like we're seventeen again, only this time, you know the whole truth."

[unendurable]

"And I know that the truth will never change anything and I'm always going to be there for you and love you," he says, moving to lay there, facing Michael. Staring at him as he reaches out, sliding his hand along his cheek.

"And knowing that you being true to you is more important than anything else," he says softly. "Because that's all I want from you, Michael. I should have then, and I'm sorry," he whispers, leaning in to kiss him slow and deep.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael shifts a little, still thinking about the drive-in and how Alex had dropped onto the back of his truck, how Michael had thought maybe they could go for a drive after and make out, again, until it went wrong. The summer when they were seventeen, his hand had been a mess, and this time...

He cups Alex's neck, scissoring their legs together to get cozy and comfortable, not wanting him to go too far at all. "I was destroying my own life," he confesses. "I just wanted to push you away too, for a clean sweep, and I hate that it worked."

[unendurable]

There's so many memories rushing through Alex's head in that moment. The desires he's wanted, the fears he'd had. The happiness he had known in those afternoons making out in the back of this truck.

Snuggling in closer to Michael, sighing softly as he leans in, kissing him tenderly.

"We were both at fault. I shouldn't have let it work. My fears were too great, and I was so scared, and I should have been stronger. For both of us," he says in a low voice. "We're here now though. We made it."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael grabs at Alex and starts sliding his hand inside of Alex's jeans, a familiar move though he doesn't go too far outside of cupping and stroking, because they're in public and Michael texted Luke to let them know where they were.

It's not a good way to get caught, is what's on his mind.

"We did," he agrees, grinning as he kisses Alex slow and steady, easing back. "Should've driven off in this truck with you in the back, that's what I should've done."

[unendurable]

Gasping then, not sure he was expecting that Michael would do that. It leaves him breathing heavily, aching and going almost instantly hard like this is still high school.

"That's not even fair," he groans, stroking his hand over Michael's hip, feeling the sun overhead, the warmth off the metal of the truck. It's so much like a decade before and it's amazing and scary and perfected.

"Yeah, you should have," he murmurs softly. "Now you know I'll be sitting right there beside you."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael grins at him, his eyes as bright as anything as he works his hand outside of Alex's jeans to start massaging and rocking against him, grabbing fistfuls of Alex's hair. He's so much better at kissing now than he was years and years ago, and god, it's the most incredible thing.

"Not making any stupid mistakes this time, and I'm not leaving town," he vows, seeing as he knows that Alex won't, either.

[unendurable]

They're not hesitant any longer. They aren't holding back, not in the least, but they also know so much better about one another and what they want and love.

So he shifts his leg, grinding against Michael as he kisses him like he's the most amazing man he's ever known. Because he is. Beautiful and sexy and utterly delicious. "Never. You're not leaving ever, and I'm never walking away again. Ever. I'll always be with you."

[littleorphanalien]

His anger is still there, but it's starting to burn off. He wants to do this, he likes having the Airstream as a lab, so it feels stupid to get mad all because it happened on this one day. It's on purpose, he knows it is, but is it the worst thing in the world that it's here?

Nah.

He rocks up against Alex, feeling so young again. "Got a wedding soon to prove it," he breathlessly murmurs against Alex's lips. "You're gonna be Mr. Guerin."

[unendurable]

Alex shivers at that, smiling. "Mr Alex Guerin. Soon. Always. Forever," he vows, kissing him deep and moaning into the kiss.

The touch has him panting softly. The words though have him mewling, loving Michael so dearly and excited for their wedding.

"You know, I'm going to want to come out here and do this all the time. Maybe sometimes away from the house, and naked," he teases.

[littleorphanalien]

"Alexander Guerin has a very sexy ring to it," he murmurs, voice low, before he lifts up Alex's hand hand to start pressing slow kisses to it. "Just like this ring is very sexy," he adds, and tangles their fingers together, bearing him back down to the pillow.

His back aches a lot more than it did ten years ago, but honestly, it's just like he remembers.

"I think the police will come visit us if we do that," he whispers. "There's a child inside the house."

[unendurable]

Laughing as he lays back, knowing maybe they can't do this for hours like they used to but he loves how it feels. Them together, like this once more. In this truck. It's part of their life, and one of the good parts that he fondly remembered for years, no matter how much it hurt as well.

"I did say away from the house," he points out. "Not near the child."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael grins at Alex as he nuzzles his nose against Alex's, enjoying the way they can curl up like this, so comfortable and close and enjoying the truck that gave Michael a home ten years ago. More than that, now, with all the time he's spent here.

"I mean, I have to do the bathroom at some point. We could always move into the Airstream for a while," he teases. "Relive some of those amazing mornings."

[unendurable]

"We should get a mattress for this bed though," he teases, shifting a little. "We're old and I'm a combat vet," he teases, not looking at all as if he wants to move. Not now, not any time soon.

"Not a bad idea to get things ready, and I did love the way it felt together in that bed," he admits, holding him tight.

[littleorphanalien]

"You're a combat vet, I'm just a crotchety old alien," he jokes with a beatific smile, sliding his palm up and down Alex's back before he sits up, knowing that they can't keep making out in this truck forever, not when he still feels all these things about it turning up.

"The bed was tiny," he says, snorting. "Alex, hey," he says, drawing him to sit up. "I gotta ask you something."

[unendurable]

"No, you're my crotchety old alien. That's different," he points out, because to him that really does mean all the world.

But then Michael is moving to sit up, and Alex sighs, just wanting more. Memories that they're rewriting, a new life. So many things that matter to them.

Though somehow, still, that comment makes his stomach lurch. Moving to sit up, trying not to frown.

"Okay, you know you can ask me anything, Michael."

Even if he's scared after Michael's mood today and now this showing up just what it might be.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael reaches out for Alex's hand, taking it in his own, sliding his thumb over the back of his palm in steady circles. "Hey, so, that morning when Isobel found us," he says. "I cut you off. You tried to explain and I didn't let you."

But now, he wants to know.

"What were you gonna tell me?"

[unendurable]

The moment he mentions that morning, Alex tenses. He screwed everything up, never got a chance to explain. Not that he had handled it well either. He could have said it and not just agreed it would be bad. Because that wasn't entirely true. It's not that it "would" be bad but that it could.

He holds Michael's hand tightly, looking down, trying not to feel the pain and panic he had that morning.

Drawing a breath, he raises his gaze and looks at Michael.

"You asked if it would be bad, and no. Being with you isn't bad. People knowing isn't bad," he says, given that everyone in this place knows about them. They don't hide it. "I was so scared that I couldn't protect you anymore than I had when we were kids, and I... I panicked thinking about her knowing, and if it got back to Jesse. I'd already failed you,' he pointed out. "What was I going to do if he came for you again? I was so scared about anyone knowing because he knew so much about the town and what was going on in it and... and I love you so much."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael doesn't let go of his hand, still stroking it when he gets tense. He'd known that this would freak out Alex, which is why he's trying to ease him into this, not wanting to make it worse, but he does want to know. He's the one who instantly reacted, didn't give Alex a chance to explain.

Now, he is.

It kind of even makes sense. "I love you too," is his swift reply, and he forces himself to take a breath to think about his words before he gets defensive, the way the therapist tells him to. "It was just Isobel, but I didn't explain what she was to me," he admits. "Only that she was a close friend, but I get it." He squeezes his hand, looking at the scars. "You kept your fear, but I turned mine into despair and anger."

[unendurable]

As far as they have come, and Alex is waiting for the worst. He's trying not to curl in on himself, but his entire body feels wound too tight, neck bent sharply, gaze down but his eyes almost wide as if afraid if he closes his eyes, he won't hear what's coming next, won't be able to prepare.

"For me it was the whole town. I know that sounds stupid now, especially knowing what I know but she was queen of the town, the one in the know, and I just... panicked. It's like... everyone in town knew I was gay. I hadn't hidden that much as I never flaunted it but... but outing you meant getting you hurt and..."

And he needs to be honest. Wholly. Even if his words are already stop and go, halting as he tries to keep himself calm. No one here is going to hurt them, not like that, not because of that, but it doesn't make this easier.

"I kept thinking if I pushed you away then maybe it would be okay. If I could do that maybe you wouldn't be hurt by me again. Which was just me hurting you. Constantly."

He closes his eyes then, trying not to cry as his hand holds tighter than it should to Michael's hand. "It's still there," he whispers, something he hasn't admitted in therapy. Not in so many words. He's hinted around it, for a long time but he's never said it. "The fear. It's always there."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael keeps his hand on Alex's, so he can't pull himself away completely. He doesn't want to lose him, doesn't want him to think that he needs to withdraw, because he doesn't. He's strong, and they do need to talk about this. "Outing me, I didn't care. I made a mistake with Jesse and I wouldn't have let that happen again. I still won't," he vows.

"You pushing me away, it just means that we were both miserable," he admits. "I hated it, because I just want you. I've wanted you for ages," he whispers, and holds onto Alex as he shifts closer, pulling Alex closer by cupping his face.

"Even here?" he asks quietly. "Are you still scared, here? Of what, Alex?"

[unendurable]

They need to do this. They need to have these talks. There is no other way for them to work through it, and they have to talk to one another and get through the things they've been through and what they've done.

Again he doesn't want to say it but they have to talk about these things.

"Of you leaving," he whispers. "Which is sick of me I know because I left you over and over and yet I'm afraid of you leaving? And of this place sending one of us back and being apart forever. I'm scared of you coming to your senses, and of Jesse showing up and..."

And he shifts, wrapping his arms around Michael, holding him tight. "But I won't ever leave you. Not if I have control. They would have to rip me away from you. I swear."

[littleorphanalien]

"Alex," Michael all but whispers, his voice soft. "Look, I really did think, even back home, that we were gonna end up together. I really thought that," he vows, and gives him a searching look, bending to meet his eyes before enveloping him in that hug, squeezing him so goddamn tight.

"I thought I was superior to all humanity, okay? And then I met you, I fell in love with you, and I know that you're better than me, and I loved you for it. I love you every day for that," he vows. "I'm not leaving, Alex," he says, firm. "We did it right, this time. We were friends, we made it work. Now we know, okay? And even if we go home, we're gonna write the same story."

And if Jesse shows up...

"I filed a restraining order against Jesse," he says calmly. "If he turns up, we go to the cops."

[unendurable]

Alex scoffs, shaking his head. "I have never been better than you. Ever. I swear. I know I'm not. I'm weak, and I have failed. I won't fail you now though," he promises. "I won't fail you again if I can help it," he whispers, still holding Michael tight.

"Good. Hell, maybe I'll find a way to do what I should have when he touched you,' he says, not saying kill him but it's what he's thinking, nonetheless. "I want this. I want you. I should have screamed it from the rooftops of Roswell instead of Valenti just figuring it out and no one else knowing. I should have told them all," he says. "And we ever go back and I will. I swear. But..."

He pulls back enough to look at Michael. "I don't want to go back. I really don't. I want to stay here with Luke and you and our friends and this beautiful house and whatever family we have here."

[littleorphanalien]

"Yeah, Alex, you have. And you are."

It's a simple truth and he means it, but it's not something that he thinks means they have to keep score. "You're just amazing," he vows. "You're not weak, you're human, but the best of all kinds of humans." He tips his head to the side to stare at Alex, draping his leg over Alex's as he crawls into his lap>

"I want this too, all of it," he says, and he's grinning. "I don't want to go back either. I love our house and our family, but Alex, maybe I do want one birthday gift," he admits.

He bites his lip and nods to the house.

"Let's go make some cosmic love in that beautiful bed of ours in our fancy house, while I kiss promises into your skin that I'm always gonna find you and give us a chance."

[unendurable]

Alex pulls Michael in close to him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close, cuddling him in as he leans in, kissing his shoulder.

And then Michael is agreeing with him and it's the most perfect words he's ever heard. They're finally on the same page, agreeing about everything, and he couldn't be happier. Not now that they have this. He's so excited and happy as he cups Michael's cheek, kissing the tip of his nose, the corner of his mouth.

His heart races at those words, kissing Michael tenderly. "Happy Birthday, Michael," he whispers. "We will always find one another. Every day. Every time. No matter where the universe sends us," he vows. "Come on. I need all of that and more, and I'll always give you the same. Always, Michael."