(no subject)

[littleorphanalien]

Michael's been irritable since he woke up and saw the date. June 14th.

The day that he and Max and Isobel were found wandering in the desert by the trucker. The day, for lack of better information, they chose to celebrate their birthdays. The day that they killed a drifter and Isobel started having her blackouts. He kind of hates this day. He slams drawers a little too hard, is too curt, and eventually excuses himself to go to the library where he can sulk in peace and not break down his engagement or his relationship with anyone in the process.

When he finally calms down (and he had to stop for an afternoon beer to help with that), he drives home, but freezes when he sees a glint of metal as he approaches the bungalow.

Getting out, Michael staggers to a stop, feeling something like uneasiness rising.

His Airstream is outside of the bungalow, and his truck hooked up to it.

The truck he lived in for years, the one he and Alex used to make out in the back of. The home he had that led to Alex giving him a place and the home he'd moved into as soon as he'd scratched together the money. They're here, and on his birthday. He wipes at his cheek when he realizes he's started crying, and he's not sure if it's because he's so angry at this place for giving him this kind of birthday present or whether it's relief to have these things here.

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[unendurable]

As far as they have come, and Alex is waiting for the worst. He's trying not to curl in on himself, but his entire body feels wound too tight, neck bent sharply, gaze down but his eyes almost wide as if afraid if he closes his eyes, he won't hear what's coming next, won't be able to prepare.

"For me it was the whole town. I know that sounds stupid now, especially knowing what I know but she was queen of the town, the one in the know, and I just... panicked. It's like... everyone in town knew I was gay. I hadn't hidden that much as I never flaunted it but... but outing you meant getting you hurt and..."

And he needs to be honest. Wholly. Even if his words are already stop and go, halting as he tries to keep himself calm. No one here is going to hurt them, not like that, not because of that, but it doesn't make this easier.

"I kept thinking if I pushed you away then maybe it would be okay. If I could do that maybe you wouldn't be hurt by me again. Which was just me hurting you. Constantly."

He closes his eyes then, trying not to cry as his hand holds tighter than it should to Michael's hand. "It's still there," he whispers, something he hasn't admitted in therapy. Not in so many words. He's hinted around it, for a long time but he's never said it. "The fear. It's always there."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael keeps his hand on Alex's, so he can't pull himself away completely. He doesn't want to lose him, doesn't want him to think that he needs to withdraw, because he doesn't. He's strong, and they do need to talk about this. "Outing me, I didn't care. I made a mistake with Jesse and I wouldn't have let that happen again. I still won't," he vows.

"You pushing me away, it just means that we were both miserable," he admits. "I hated it, because I just want you. I've wanted you for ages," he whispers, and holds onto Alex as he shifts closer, pulling Alex closer by cupping his face.

"Even here?" he asks quietly. "Are you still scared, here? Of what, Alex?"

[unendurable]

They need to do this. They need to have these talks. There is no other way for them to work through it, and they have to talk to one another and get through the things they've been through and what they've done.

Again he doesn't want to say it but they have to talk about these things.

"Of you leaving," he whispers. "Which is sick of me I know because I left you over and over and yet I'm afraid of you leaving? And of this place sending one of us back and being apart forever. I'm scared of you coming to your senses, and of Jesse showing up and..."

And he shifts, wrapping his arms around Michael, holding him tight. "But I won't ever leave you. Not if I have control. They would have to rip me away from you. I swear."

[littleorphanalien]

"Alex," Michael all but whispers, his voice soft. "Look, I really did think, even back home, that we were gonna end up together. I really thought that," he vows, and gives him a searching look, bending to meet his eyes before enveloping him in that hug, squeezing him so goddamn tight.

"I thought I was superior to all humanity, okay? And then I met you, I fell in love with you, and I know that you're better than me, and I loved you for it. I love you every day for that," he vows. "I'm not leaving, Alex," he says, firm. "We did it right, this time. We were friends, we made it work. Now we know, okay? And even if we go home, we're gonna write the same story."

And if Jesse shows up...

"I filed a restraining order against Jesse," he says calmly. "If he turns up, we go to the cops."

[unendurable]

Alex scoffs, shaking his head. "I have never been better than you. Ever. I swear. I know I'm not. I'm weak, and I have failed. I won't fail you now though," he promises. "I won't fail you again if I can help it," he whispers, still holding Michael tight.

"Good. Hell, maybe I'll find a way to do what I should have when he touched you,' he says, not saying kill him but it's what he's thinking, nonetheless. "I want this. I want you. I should have screamed it from the rooftops of Roswell instead of Valenti just figuring it out and no one else knowing. I should have told them all," he says. "And we ever go back and I will. I swear. But..."

He pulls back enough to look at Michael. "I don't want to go back. I really don't. I want to stay here with Luke and you and our friends and this beautiful house and whatever family we have here."

[littleorphanalien]

"Yeah, Alex, you have. And you are."

It's a simple truth and he means it, but it's not something that he thinks means they have to keep score. "You're just amazing," he vows. "You're not weak, you're human, but the best of all kinds of humans." He tips his head to the side to stare at Alex, draping his leg over Alex's as he crawls into his lap>

"I want this too, all of it," he says, and he's grinning. "I don't want to go back either. I love our house and our family, but Alex, maybe I do want one birthday gift," he admits.

He bites his lip and nods to the house.

"Let's go make some cosmic love in that beautiful bed of ours in our fancy house, while I kiss promises into your skin that I'm always gonna find you and give us a chance."

[unendurable]

Alex pulls Michael in close to him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close, cuddling him in as he leans in, kissing his shoulder.

And then Michael is agreeing with him and it's the most perfect words he's ever heard. They're finally on the same page, agreeing about everything, and he couldn't be happier. Not now that they have this. He's so excited and happy as he cups Michael's cheek, kissing the tip of his nose, the corner of his mouth.

His heart races at those words, kissing Michael tenderly. "Happy Birthday, Michael," he whispers. "We will always find one another. Every day. Every time. No matter where the universe sends us," he vows. "Come on. I need all of that and more, and I'll always give you the same. Always, Michael."