dated july 11

[littleorphanalien]

Was it a good idea to spend a week's wages on this?

Probably not, but ever since the conversation about whether he's a kid from the 1990's or the 1940's, Michael's idiot brain had latched onto the comment that if he's from the latter, he'd better start dressing like it. So he'd taken his pay from the garage, he went to the clothing store, and he bought himself a nice burgundy cardigan, a pair of khaki pants that Max would probably salivate over, and then tortoise-shell faux glasses.

On the way out, he picks up a pack of hard candy, because if he's gonna be an asshole about the comment, he's gonna go all the way. Once he changed and slicked his hair like a magazine he saw, he heads to open mic night with the hard candies in his cardigan pocket, sitting himself down in the front.

He waits until Alex's act, but then he very deliberately unwraps one of the candies with a smirk on his face, popping it in his mouth. Alex wants him to act his age? Well, he might not do that, but he's gonna dress it, just to prove a point.

Comments

[unendurable]

Alex is glad for the distance, for being away from the rest of the room, even if he's just performed openly, in front of others. Everyone saw him singing to Michael, not hiding how he feels about him, but he's glad that Michael moved away from the middle of the room.

Taking the rose, he can't help but smile. One that widens at Michael's words. "I do. I love it," he admits. "No one has ever given me flowers, or a plant." He may well dry the flower and keep it. He won't admit that, but he's thinking about it.

Though Michael draws attention to what he's wearing, and Alex can't help but laugh.

"Well here's hoping your pudding dinners and early bedtimes won't stop you from coming to a concert or two," he teases, head cocking to one side. "Though I'll tell you. I kind of like those glasses on you."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael grins at him as he fiddles with the glasses, dragging them off to look at them before sliding them back on. "I think they're pretty popular these days," he admits. "All these hipsters and vintage-chasers love the damn things." He adjusts them on his face, then the cardigan, which he pulls down before he takes a seat.

"I loved the set. Nice variation," he praises, even as his heart practically pounds in his chest. "What made you choose to sing that last one? There was no music, it almost didn't seem planned."

[unendurable]

Settling in across from Michael, smirking though as he watches him fiddle with his clothes, laughing when he goes on about the details. "Maybe I need to accept that you're the age you say you are," he teases, unable to help how amused he is by Michael's behavior. "I'm okay with a May/December romance though if the time ever comes," he adds, sounding smug and being definitely amused with himself.

"Thanks. Uhmmmm, it wasn't planned at all," he admits. "I've been listening to some jazz lately, since after my last time someone ... Okay I'm still adjusting to the kidnapping, nevermind that some people were kidnapped after the last World War and are not much older than I am," he admits. "So figured it might do me some good to listen to a few things that aren't only known by my generation," he admits. "So I was listening to more of your generation. For the oldster crowd," he teases, smiling still. "But that... that is one of the growing number of songs that make me feeling like I'm stalking you."

Still a joke, surely. Especially since it's not as if any of it's unwarranted. Just kind of feeling like the tables have turned, and more and more he's realizing how miserable he personally made Michael's life, not even counting what Jesse did.

[littleorphanalien]

Alex keeps saying things that give him this warm rush that floods him, making him feel uncertain about the fact that he's the one that talks about wanting to be friends when, honestly, he also wants to grab the rose out of Alex's hand, pin him against the nearest wall, and take everything he can.

That's not really the plan.

And yet, here he is, staring at Alex and knowing how much he's in love with him, smiling at him for the fact that even though he was sitting here trolling Alex, he'd been doing the same in return. "You're not stalking me," he guarantees. "You can't be. I'm the one sitting here, making sure I come an hour early so I get a seat."

After all, Alex can't be stalking him if Michael is the one who's willingly there.

"Am I at least looking good for my age?" he teases with a smirk.

[unendurable]

It's not as if they're denying how they feel about one another, or what they hope can come out of all of this. It's that Alex has realized Michael's right. They need this. They need to know they can be friends, and beyond that he's finding how much he enjoys the time they've been spending together. All that they're sharing that they never had before.

Alex will always love Michael, but he needs him as a friend more than anything.

"I think I've logged in more hours at the mechanic shop than two of the mechanics combined, and I'm not on the payroll," he points out, though he keeps thinking he should just do it officially and get paid for all the time he spends going over their computers and chatting with those coming in for their vehicles.

"I like that you come that early," he admits, knowing he's blushing a bit. "And that you wore that outfit. It's very sexy on you," he says, smirking. "Well, except the slacks. They remind me of Max. Sorry," he says, grinning though as he leans over, looking Michael over. "Damn sexy for your age, and handsome too. At any age."

[littleorphanalien]

"I mean, we still need someone at reception," he says bluntly, because if Alex is going to be there anyway, he might as well get himself on the payroll. He's not about to say it, but the idea of Alex working on a regular basis with him is the kind of thrilling thing that has him feeling like he's seventeen again, like he can't keep his eyes off Alex.

Not that he ever could, honestly, but it's been getting worse lately. He reaches over for his beer and huffs out a laugh when he gets compared to Max. "I could roll around in some grease, tear these open, get them more Guerin for you," he quips, flushing as he endures Alex's look.

"You gotta stop doing that," he says and it's soft, but it's there. "Alex, you gotta..." He exhales, shakily. "If you keep saying that and singing to me like that, I'm gonna forget why we're waiting."

[unendurable]

He wants to do it. He wants to be there and be around Michael, and he needs to actually have a job until he makes it big. He's not accepting otherwise, that it's not the option that will eventually happen. He will make it. Until then though, if Michael is encouraging him, why not be there near him if he can?

"I'll do the official thing tomorrow then," he says, looking shy though he's smiling.

"It's the tan. You're not a tan person," he points out. "Except that working tan, which I love on you," he says, still wildly flirting and taking chances.

Though, when Michael says that, Alex sets his beer down, shifting his chair a bit closer to Michael. "If you say stop, I will. That's it. That's all there is to it, but I can tell you why we're waiting. For this. For us here, doing this. For us sharing time together and finding out we're not just good in bed, but we're enjoying the time we have together. The good times are starting to outweigh the bad, Michael. At least for me. I hope they are for you."

[littleorphanalien]

"I hear you. You're saying you like me in my tight jeans," he quips with a smirk on his face, but he goes more serious when Alex talks about why they're doing what they're doing.

He's right, too. His expression softens as he stares at Alex and he nods, because he's right. "The good is definitely starting to outweigh the bad," he agrees. The good is almost monotonous and boring, but Michael's learning that maybe that's kind of all you need.

"I don't really want you to stop, that's the thing," he huffs out. "All I want is to figure out how to, I don't know, how to do this right," he says with a gesture to Alex. "I love coming here and watching you play and I love that you come into the shop, especially if you're gonna be working there, pulling a wage..." he teases. "Man's gotta eat, right?"

[unendurable]

"Oh. I'm definitely saying that," he admits with a grin and a waggle of his brows. "I've spent quite a bit of time staring at you in them," he admits, not saying if it's now or back then in Roswell when they were teens. Likely a bit of both.

"I like we have memories now, Michael, that don't hurt me to think about. I'm hoping you have the same." And he hopes they can make more. "And we'll make more. We should plan to do something," he admits. "Go to a show, to the beach. Something. Not a date," he says, holding up a hand. "But just hanging out."

Nodding though about coming by the shop, but then Michael adds that last part, and Alex goes still. Sitting back, staring at Michael pointedly. "Thank you for reminding me," he says. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that. How long were you planning on feeding me and spending your money on me and not even liking me to bring you coffee?"

He's talked to others and learned that it's not a Darrow thing, so that means only one person could be behind it.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael lets out a laugh, because his jeans are greasy with holes in them, and besides, he never thought the ass was his best feature. He taps the boring black belt he's wearing now, just a few nudges of his thumb against the buckle. "And here I thought everyone noticed the belt buckle."

Mainly because Michael makes sure everyone notices it.

"We should go to a movie," he says, with a shrug. It's safe. The movie will be playing, so they'll talk before and after, but be there in the dark during, maybe even sharing popcorn.

He's about to open his mouth and say something, but then Alex catches him in his fib, his eyes wide, and he gapes for a second. "I..." Wait, how does he explain it? "I didn't know if you were gonna feed yourself," he says defensively. "I wanted to make sure you took care of yourself, and having food was the best way to do it." He raises a brow curiously. "How'd you figure it out?"

[unendurable]

"Everyone noticed it because you french tucked your tee shirt behind it and walk from the hips and not the shoulders," he points out, proving that he most certainly did notice it and a lot more given that little glimpse into how Alex sees things.

"We'll go then. Anything to spend more time with you." Anything to have moments they can look back on and think about what they've done here in Darrow and how normal it's been. Even if this place isn't.

Alex just stares at him before he reaches over, catching Michael's hand for a moment and giving it a squeeze. Then impulsively raising his hand and nearly kissing the curve of Michael's knuckles before catching himself. He flushes darkly letting go of his hand.

"Thank you," he says, not able to keep worrying Michael that he might somehow, for some reason, be upset. "I mentioned it to someone else, about how crazy this place is that they give you money and housing and food and yet let creatures roam in blizzards, and... surprise," he says, smiling. "You were right though. I barely remember with the food in the house. If I had to out for it, I'd likely eat fast food while hanging around with you and forget the rest."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael had been about to open his mouth and defend himself and his belt and his way of walking, but then Alex lifts his hand, he nearly kisses it, and Michael can't speak. He's not sure he can even think, his brain just sort of short-circuits.

Whenever he and Alex get together, it's heated and passionate, but it's rarely as tender as this. True, at Caulfield and at the reunion, there have been touches like this, these desperate things, but never so casual as this, and fuck, he doesn't know what to do.

"I just want to make sure someone's taking care of you. You had the Air Force all those years," he says, ducking his gaze away, when he finally can speak, brushing his hand over his khakis, like he can feel the connection. "It's my turn, right? Now that I got a shot?"

[unendurable]

Alex isn't sure for the longest time if he had gone too far, feeling like he has to be extra careful of what he does, how he acts. Not that he feels he's walking on eggshells, but that he wants to feel as if he can do this right. For both of them.

Yet the need to touch, to be near, to explore things they never had before, such as romance and intimacies and tenderness. He wants them as much as he wants to be friends with Michael. All the things they never had before.

Alex is quiet for a few minutes before he nods. "You're right. It is your shot now," he agrees. "But that means you have to let me do the same," he points out softly. "Maybe sometime this week I could make you dinner? I can nearly cook," he assures him with a small smile, looking more hopeful than he realizes. "Just to take care of you."

Not a date. Not in that way. Just because he can, and Michael deserves it.

[littleorphanalien]

Oh, this is a very bad idea.

If Alex comes over to his place and makes him dinner, Michael is pretty sure he'll be hard-pressed not to pin him to the couch and make out with him, but what's he going to do? Say no? He glances to the next act, wincing when it's too noisy, and nods to the door. "You wanna get out of here? Walk along the pier, maybe grab an ice cream or something?"

He can answer then, too, after he's had a few minutes to think about it.

"I can cook, you know," he adds, when he's at the exit door, ready to let himself out. "Had to learn, so when I do remember to do it, I'm not half bad."

[unendurable]

Alex is trying to look pleasant. He really is. It's killing him. So when Michael asks that, he nods eagerly. "God, yes please," he says. "Let me leave my guitar with the manager to pick up after," he says, already gathering it up and moving it to the bar. He keeps the rose though, coming back noting that Michael had agreed.

He'd actually made it clear he didn't need Alex to do that for him.

"I assumed you could cook, but I just wanted to offer since you've done so much for me. But I understand if you'd rather we not do anything like that. I worried it was asking too much," he says, giving Michael a smile, trying not to be hurt. Despite things like the moment during his last song, Alex also knows Michael has made it clear it can't be anything more than friends. Not for a long time.

[littleorphanalien]

"Hey," Michael says, reaching out for Alex when he walks out the door. He pushes the glasses up so they're in his hair and won't get in the way, but before they get too far, he wants to make sure Alex knows they're on the same page. "I'm not saying no. I'm saying I can cook, but I wouldn't mind taking the night off sometime."

Bad idea, such a bad idea, but he wants to. He's getting real tired of only being friends, but he doesn't know if they're strong enough yet.

Once he's said that, he pushes past Alex to start walking towards the pier that's a few blocks away, thinking the cool air and the waterfront along with all the other people will help with some of the sparks between them. "You ever come down here? It's nice. I kind of love the sound of the waves crashing on the shore."

[unendurable]

Michael catches Alex's arm and a million moments go through his head. So many times when they've stopped like this when things got so bad. They're not bad now, and he smiles as Michael pushes the glasses up to nestle against his hair. He wants so bad to reach out and destroy that style, free his curls, but he resists because he's fairly sure he won't move away or stop if he touches Michael now. Not in that way, not that close.

"Once when I first got here, when I was still kind of creeped out by being assigned to an apartment and all. I kept exploring thinking I'd find a way out," he admits. He'd stop trying the moment he'd learned Michael was there as well. "When I was at basic down in San Antonio, I walked along the river front there a few times but that's so much like home, you know? This place is green and ... I don't know. Wet. Humidity and all. Between Roswell and the Middle East, it's kind of weird to me," he admits with a chuckle.

He pauses a moment, glancing sidelong at Michael. "If I asked to hold your hand, would that be too much?"

[littleorphanalien]

Michael gives Alex a pained look, because he wants to, he really does. "I don't think that's a good idea," is what he replies, instead. He gestures to the ice cream shop once they hit the pier. "Let me buy you something, though, you can hold hands with a cone," he jokes, digging out his wallet so he can focus on that instead of how he just turned Alex down.

"You still looking for a way out?" he asks, once he's bought them cones and is handing one over to Alex, gesturing to the boardwalk where they can just amble along, walking slowly.

[unendurable]

Alex works hard on not showing that sharp stabbing pain at that denial, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. Though it makes him panic a bit, worrying that he has gone too far again, that maybe all of it is. He's cornering Michael and he knows it. Maybe Michael never wants more, and Alex keeps... pushing. He has to rein himself in and stop acting like that.

"Ice cream sounds great," he says, all small smile and casual tones and utterly calm. Nothing's going on here. Nothing at all.

Though he startles at that, shaking his head quickly before he can stop himself.

"Actually? No. I told you. I'm free here."

And it's the truth, even though he suspects Michael is, trying to get back and get the answers he wants about his family and home. Though the thought of being anywhere without Michael is painful.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael sees something on Alex's face, feeling like shit, but he needs to make sure that he sets some boundaries. The thing is, if he takes Alex's hand, he won't let go. He won't want to let go. Ever. So he licks at the cone and pushes the other ice cream to Alex when he gets it, wandering towards the ocean.

He trusts that Alex will follow, so he walks backwards, slowly, so he can smile warmly at Alex. "I miss Iz and Max, sure," he admits. "And I want answers from Noah," he adds, eyes sharp and haunted, "but you're here. You're here and we're friends and that's something I never thought I'd get. We've spent more time together over the last four weeks..."

His eyes soften as he looks at Alex, leaning back against the barricade. "It's almost like if I wasn't an alien and your dad wasn't an asshole."

[unendurable]

It's hard to hide the pain, but he will keep trying for Michael's sake. Even if he knows that Michael can always see it in his eyes, see the pain and the joy. All of it.

So he takes the cone, doing his best to smile and stay cheerful. It's what Michael needs and what he deserves.

Following Michael, smirking a bit more honestly in the way that he's walking, the warmness of his smile. Nodding because he has enjoyed all of this, glad they have it and all that they're working on to find out if they can be more, if they can be closer. Trying to find what all they can have.

Alex stops several paces away from Michael, not crowding him despite the desire to move in closer to him, to brush back a stray strand and kiss those beautiful lips.

"I never want you to not be an alien, Michael. It's part of who you are. Part of you and that's who I... It's part of what is beautiful about you,' he says, cutting off the word love, trying not to pressure him.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael works his tongue around the ice cream as they walk, slowly, not in a rush to go anywhere. He gives Alex a smile as he lets his mouth work the ice cream, using his finger to dab off the chocolate and then suck it from his thumb. "I know. You took it like a champ," he admits, "and I don't want to forget that part of me, but it's different here. I don't want to finish a spaceship and leave, not with..."

He shrugs.

"I could never leave, not when you're talking to me and we're spending this much good time together." He keeps working the ice cream as he walks, slowly, but when he finishes down to the cone, he feels the breeze from the ocean and the chill from both the food and the ice cream, glancing to Alex. "Shit," he says, and fumbles to clean his hands with napkins before he unbuttons the cardigan, striding to behind Alex so he can drape it over Alex's shoulders, his thumb sliding along Alex's neck. "Sorry. I didn't think about the whole cool breeze thing and the ice cream."

He steps back, the glasses slipping down his face as he awkwardly ruffles a hand through his hair, more of a nervous tic than anything, sending more strands back into gelled curls, before he walks forward again, the dark navy-blue button-down he's wearing still more than warm enough when he considers his body heat.

He leans his elbows back against the boardwalk pier, giving Alex an adoring look. "Man, I'm glad you're here," he admits, shaking his head like he still can't believe it.

[unendurable]

Alex finds he has to have his gaze anywhere but on Michael as he eats the ice cream. Watching him, watching the flickering of his tongue over the ice cream, is nearly going to destroy him. Just watching for a moment nearly has Alex pleading for a kiss.

Instead he focuses on the water, on trying not to shiver because between the breeze and the ice cream, he's freezing but he doesn't want to do anything but be here with Michael.

And then Michael starts stripping, and Alex stares at him, confused. Right until the warm sweater is set around his shoulders, warmed by Michael's body and smelling of him. Alex shifts, holding it tightly around him as a shiver runs down his spine at that touch.

Confusion reigns, unsure what to think of this, about how he's feeling he should behave, should distance himself, and then Michael does this and he isn't sure what to say, what to do.

Smiling though at that statement, true and genuine and truly looking as if he might melt.

"I'm glad I'm here with you."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael reaches out to catch the sleeve of the sweater, tugging Alex towards him and turning so he can lean his forearms over the railing, coaxing Alex to stand right beside him, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the ocean and up at the stars. His face has gone slack and soft, the way it always does, but he lowers his gaze to fix it on Alex's cheek.

And, he knows it might be the stupidest thing in the fucking world, but he leans over, cups his cheek, and brushes the softest of kisses there. He has an excuse, at least. "Ice cream," he murmurs, and follows that kiss with a swipe of his thumb before he eases back. "And I wanted to, to thank you for those songs tonight."

The wind's wrecking all the gel in his hair, sending it back to the curls he usually wears, even if it's way more controlled.

"When we're ready, when I'm ready," he clarifies, voice low, "What kind of date do you want me to take you on?"

[unendurable]

He knows he's been confused, wondering if he's pushed Michael too far, and then Michael is pulling him closer. Settling in next to Michael, nearly finished with his cone. Then Michael's hand is against his neck, soft and tender with the callouses and the heat of Michael's natural temperature and Alex sighs.

"Right," he whispers, his heart racing so hard he fears it will kill him. "Ice cream," he murmurs, agreeing with him though he knows that it is more than that. "You are most welcome," he murmurs softly. "You inspire so much of my work," he admits. "Most of the lyrics I write are for you. Or about you and my feelings for you."

He doesn't deny that as he finishes his cone. Then he reaches up, brushing back a strand of Michael's hair as if it's just a generosity, a tender touch.

"When we're ready," he murmurs softly. "Hmmm, I haven't thought about it that detailed. Been kind of afraid to," he admits. "Something where maybe we dress up a little? Not a lot though. Dinner together. What would you want to do?"

He shifts, leaning into Michael slightly, not even thinking about it, just unable to stay away from him.