dated july 11

[littleorphanalien]

Was it a good idea to spend a week's wages on this?

Probably not, but ever since the conversation about whether he's a kid from the 1990's or the 1940's, Michael's idiot brain had latched onto the comment that if he's from the latter, he'd better start dressing like it. So he'd taken his pay from the garage, he went to the clothing store, and he bought himself a nice burgundy cardigan, a pair of khaki pants that Max would probably salivate over, and then tortoise-shell faux glasses.

On the way out, he picks up a pack of hard candy, because if he's gonna be an asshole about the comment, he's gonna go all the way. Once he changed and slicked his hair like a magazine he saw, he heads to open mic night with the hard candies in his cardigan pocket, sitting himself down in the front.

He waits until Alex's act, but then he very deliberately unwraps one of the candies with a smirk on his face, popping it in his mouth. Alex wants him to act his age? Well, he might not do that, but he's gonna dress it, just to prove a point.

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[littleorphanalien]

Michael had been about to open his mouth and defend himself and his belt and his way of walking, but then Alex lifts his hand, he nearly kisses it, and Michael can't speak. He's not sure he can even think, his brain just sort of short-circuits.

Whenever he and Alex get together, it's heated and passionate, but it's rarely as tender as this. True, at Caulfield and at the reunion, there have been touches like this, these desperate things, but never so casual as this, and fuck, he doesn't know what to do.

"I just want to make sure someone's taking care of you. You had the Air Force all those years," he says, ducking his gaze away, when he finally can speak, brushing his hand over his khakis, like he can feel the connection. "It's my turn, right? Now that I got a shot?"

[unendurable]

Alex isn't sure for the longest time if he had gone too far, feeling like he has to be extra careful of what he does, how he acts. Not that he feels he's walking on eggshells, but that he wants to feel as if he can do this right. For both of them.

Yet the need to touch, to be near, to explore things they never had before, such as romance and intimacies and tenderness. He wants them as much as he wants to be friends with Michael. All the things they never had before.

Alex is quiet for a few minutes before he nods. "You're right. It is your shot now," he agrees. "But that means you have to let me do the same," he points out softly. "Maybe sometime this week I could make you dinner? I can nearly cook," he assures him with a small smile, looking more hopeful than he realizes. "Just to take care of you."

Not a date. Not in that way. Just because he can, and Michael deserves it.

[littleorphanalien]

Oh, this is a very bad idea.

If Alex comes over to his place and makes him dinner, Michael is pretty sure he'll be hard-pressed not to pin him to the couch and make out with him, but what's he going to do? Say no? He glances to the next act, wincing when it's too noisy, and nods to the door. "You wanna get out of here? Walk along the pier, maybe grab an ice cream or something?"

He can answer then, too, after he's had a few minutes to think about it.

"I can cook, you know," he adds, when he's at the exit door, ready to let himself out. "Had to learn, so when I do remember to do it, I'm not half bad."

[unendurable]

Alex is trying to look pleasant. He really is. It's killing him. So when Michael asks that, he nods eagerly. "God, yes please," he says. "Let me leave my guitar with the manager to pick up after," he says, already gathering it up and moving it to the bar. He keeps the rose though, coming back noting that Michael had agreed.

He'd actually made it clear he didn't need Alex to do that for him.

"I assumed you could cook, but I just wanted to offer since you've done so much for me. But I understand if you'd rather we not do anything like that. I worried it was asking too much," he says, giving Michael a smile, trying not to be hurt. Despite things like the moment during his last song, Alex also knows Michael has made it clear it can't be anything more than friends. Not for a long time.

[littleorphanalien]

"Hey," Michael says, reaching out for Alex when he walks out the door. He pushes the glasses up so they're in his hair and won't get in the way, but before they get too far, he wants to make sure Alex knows they're on the same page. "I'm not saying no. I'm saying I can cook, but I wouldn't mind taking the night off sometime."

Bad idea, such a bad idea, but he wants to. He's getting real tired of only being friends, but he doesn't know if they're strong enough yet.

Once he's said that, he pushes past Alex to start walking towards the pier that's a few blocks away, thinking the cool air and the waterfront along with all the other people will help with some of the sparks between them. "You ever come down here? It's nice. I kind of love the sound of the waves crashing on the shore."

[unendurable]

Michael catches Alex's arm and a million moments go through his head. So many times when they've stopped like this when things got so bad. They're not bad now, and he smiles as Michael pushes the glasses up to nestle against his hair. He wants so bad to reach out and destroy that style, free his curls, but he resists because he's fairly sure he won't move away or stop if he touches Michael now. Not in that way, not that close.

"Once when I first got here, when I was still kind of creeped out by being assigned to an apartment and all. I kept exploring thinking I'd find a way out," he admits. He'd stop trying the moment he'd learned Michael was there as well. "When I was at basic down in San Antonio, I walked along the river front there a few times but that's so much like home, you know? This place is green and ... I don't know. Wet. Humidity and all. Between Roswell and the Middle East, it's kind of weird to me," he admits with a chuckle.

He pauses a moment, glancing sidelong at Michael. "If I asked to hold your hand, would that be too much?"

[littleorphanalien]

Michael gives Alex a pained look, because he wants to, he really does. "I don't think that's a good idea," is what he replies, instead. He gestures to the ice cream shop once they hit the pier. "Let me buy you something, though, you can hold hands with a cone," he jokes, digging out his wallet so he can focus on that instead of how he just turned Alex down.

"You still looking for a way out?" he asks, once he's bought them cones and is handing one over to Alex, gesturing to the boardwalk where they can just amble along, walking slowly.

[unendurable]

Alex works hard on not showing that sharp stabbing pain at that denial, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. Though it makes him panic a bit, worrying that he has gone too far again, that maybe all of it is. He's cornering Michael and he knows it. Maybe Michael never wants more, and Alex keeps... pushing. He has to rein himself in and stop acting like that.

"Ice cream sounds great," he says, all small smile and casual tones and utterly calm. Nothing's going on here. Nothing at all.

Though he startles at that, shaking his head quickly before he can stop himself.

"Actually? No. I told you. I'm free here."

And it's the truth, even though he suspects Michael is, trying to get back and get the answers he wants about his family and home. Though the thought of being anywhere without Michael is painful.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael sees something on Alex's face, feeling like shit, but he needs to make sure that he sets some boundaries. The thing is, if he takes Alex's hand, he won't let go. He won't want to let go. Ever. So he licks at the cone and pushes the other ice cream to Alex when he gets it, wandering towards the ocean.

He trusts that Alex will follow, so he walks backwards, slowly, so he can smile warmly at Alex. "I miss Iz and Max, sure," he admits. "And I want answers from Noah," he adds, eyes sharp and haunted, "but you're here. You're here and we're friends and that's something I never thought I'd get. We've spent more time together over the last four weeks..."

His eyes soften as he looks at Alex, leaning back against the barricade. "It's almost like if I wasn't an alien and your dad wasn't an asshole."

[unendurable]

It's hard to hide the pain, but he will keep trying for Michael's sake. Even if he knows that Michael can always see it in his eyes, see the pain and the joy. All of it.

So he takes the cone, doing his best to smile and stay cheerful. It's what Michael needs and what he deserves.

Following Michael, smirking a bit more honestly in the way that he's walking, the warmness of his smile. Nodding because he has enjoyed all of this, glad they have it and all that they're working on to find out if they can be more, if they can be closer. Trying to find what all they can have.

Alex stops several paces away from Michael, not crowding him despite the desire to move in closer to him, to brush back a stray strand and kiss those beautiful lips.

"I never want you to not be an alien, Michael. It's part of who you are. Part of you and that's who I... It's part of what is beautiful about you,' he says, cutting off the word love, trying not to pressure him.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael works his tongue around the ice cream as they walk, slowly, not in a rush to go anywhere. He gives Alex a smile as he lets his mouth work the ice cream, using his finger to dab off the chocolate and then suck it from his thumb. "I know. You took it like a champ," he admits, "and I don't want to forget that part of me, but it's different here. I don't want to finish a spaceship and leave, not with..."

He shrugs.

"I could never leave, not when you're talking to me and we're spending this much good time together." He keeps working the ice cream as he walks, slowly, but when he finishes down to the cone, he feels the breeze from the ocean and the chill from both the food and the ice cream, glancing to Alex. "Shit," he says, and fumbles to clean his hands with napkins before he unbuttons the cardigan, striding to behind Alex so he can drape it over Alex's shoulders, his thumb sliding along Alex's neck. "Sorry. I didn't think about the whole cool breeze thing and the ice cream."

He steps back, the glasses slipping down his face as he awkwardly ruffles a hand through his hair, more of a nervous tic than anything, sending more strands back into gelled curls, before he walks forward again, the dark navy-blue button-down he's wearing still more than warm enough when he considers his body heat.

He leans his elbows back against the boardwalk pier, giving Alex an adoring look. "Man, I'm glad you're here," he admits, shaking his head like he still can't believe it.

[unendurable]

Alex finds he has to have his gaze anywhere but on Michael as he eats the ice cream. Watching him, watching the flickering of his tongue over the ice cream, is nearly going to destroy him. Just watching for a moment nearly has Alex pleading for a kiss.

Instead he focuses on the water, on trying not to shiver because between the breeze and the ice cream, he's freezing but he doesn't want to do anything but be here with Michael.

And then Michael starts stripping, and Alex stares at him, confused. Right until the warm sweater is set around his shoulders, warmed by Michael's body and smelling of him. Alex shifts, holding it tightly around him as a shiver runs down his spine at that touch.

Confusion reigns, unsure what to think of this, about how he's feeling he should behave, should distance himself, and then Michael does this and he isn't sure what to say, what to do.

Smiling though at that statement, true and genuine and truly looking as if he might melt.

"I'm glad I'm here with you."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael reaches out to catch the sleeve of the sweater, tugging Alex towards him and turning so he can lean his forearms over the railing, coaxing Alex to stand right beside him, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the ocean and up at the stars. His face has gone slack and soft, the way it always does, but he lowers his gaze to fix it on Alex's cheek.

And, he knows it might be the stupidest thing in the fucking world, but he leans over, cups his cheek, and brushes the softest of kisses there. He has an excuse, at least. "Ice cream," he murmurs, and follows that kiss with a swipe of his thumb before he eases back. "And I wanted to, to thank you for those songs tonight."

The wind's wrecking all the gel in his hair, sending it back to the curls he usually wears, even if it's way more controlled.

"When we're ready, when I'm ready," he clarifies, voice low, "What kind of date do you want me to take you on?"

[unendurable]

He knows he's been confused, wondering if he's pushed Michael too far, and then Michael is pulling him closer. Settling in next to Michael, nearly finished with his cone. Then Michael's hand is against his neck, soft and tender with the callouses and the heat of Michael's natural temperature and Alex sighs.

"Right," he whispers, his heart racing so hard he fears it will kill him. "Ice cream," he murmurs, agreeing with him though he knows that it is more than that. "You are most welcome," he murmurs softly. "You inspire so much of my work," he admits. "Most of the lyrics I write are for you. Or about you and my feelings for you."

He doesn't deny that as he finishes his cone. Then he reaches up, brushing back a strand of Michael's hair as if it's just a generosity, a tender touch.

"When we're ready," he murmurs softly. "Hmmm, I haven't thought about it that detailed. Been kind of afraid to," he admits. "Something where maybe we dress up a little? Not a lot though. Dinner together. What would you want to do?"

He shifts, leaning into Michael slightly, not even thinking about it, just unable to stay away from him.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael's gaze is still half-lidded, almost like he's had a lot more to drink than just the one beer while he'd been at the bar, and his smile is crooked and fond, but he settles in with Alex after his hair is brushed back, using the glasses on the top of his head to keep them in place.

Now, though, he leans in against Alex, shoulder to shoulder.

"I wanted to do something casual," he admits, but he's not talking about the future. He's talking about being seventeen and wanting so many more moments. "You, me, the Crashdown, a couple of milkshakes I couldn't afford," he jokes. "Convincing you to run away with me to UNM." He raps his knuckles against the railing, scoffing as he shakes his head.

He hasn't even thought about classes here, because what's the point? He can't relive history, just start anew, and the shop is fine.

"Dressing up would be a step outside everything we've been doing as friends," he admits, but he lets his gaze fix on Alex. "Or," he offers, "maybe, we plan a date a few weeks from now in our calendars, you come over, and you cook for me."

Then Michael doesn't have to worry about what he'll do.

[unendurable]

It's casual and comforting but there is something thrilling about standing there like that, close to one another, sharing space, and wearing Michael's sweater. So when Michael starts to talk about the date, he smiles.

"I didn't know we were talking then," he admits. "Then, we were on the same page," he murmurs softly. "Jukebox playing..." Or Rosa playing guitar, but he's not saying that out loud. "Arturo fussing about over the girls. Liz dancing with her idiot boyfriend," he says, remembering still how he felt then, even if he's on the page of forgiving Kyle for the past.

"It's what we should have done," he manages, the words choked as he holds the rose tighter, shoulders curling in a bit. "Just ran and never looked back."

It's what he's doing now and he knows it. Michael's here and for Alex, that's it. No reason to consider Roswell again.

"I don't know. You dressed special for me tonight," he admits, trying to lighten the mood though it's hard given all he's feeling in that moment. "And you look adorable," he points out. But we don't have to plan them yet, you know. I don't want to rush you, Michael. I just want to spend time with you and we're doing that."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael rubs a hand over Alex's back, over the sweater, taking his time with it, because he's allowed. He's allowed and no one is going to yell at him, and it's his choice if he wants to keep touching Alex (and he does, there's nothing he wants more). "Yeah, well, we had bad timing. You with you Dad, me with my sister," he admits, his voice haunted.

He thinks about it all the time, though. If Jesse hadn't caught them, if Noah hadn't taken over Isobel. Maybe they'd be hitched by now, with Alex famous and singing songs to him at night. Or hell, maybe they'd just be divorced because Michael had been keeping a secret from Alex.

"Don't think this is a routine," he scoffs. "Cost me nearly a week's wages just to get this stuff, I don't think I could afford to buy a suit." He definitely didn't have one at home, so why the hell would he get one here?

As for the date, "Alex, I've been wanting to fucking kiss you for ages. I'm glad we're doing the friends thing, but. Look, just, give me your phone, okay? I won't make it for another month, how about that?"

[unendurable]

Beyond it all, the nervousness and the uncertainty, this is perfect. Michael casually touching him, close together, sharing the stars and the waves as they talk about their plans, about one another, and even about what they lost.

"I'm going to be stupid romantic for a minute but we've really got nothing here but working out the timing," he points out, shrugging slightly. "And we mess things up again, we know it's directly on us. Unless it's goblins or whatever those things were. Then we blame them," he says, still trying to make lame jokes to keep things light and easy. Even when they're anything but.

"Okay, Michael. Stop spending your money on me," he says, shifting slightly to turn towards him, looking at him directly. "I don't need you to do that for me. I just want your time and attention. It's all I need," he says, feeling bad Michael is still doing so much for him when Alex hasn't done much for Michael in his mind.

He gets out his phone though, holding it out to Michael. "Whenever it feels right to you. Okay?" He sighs, shaking his head. "Because it's not that I don't want to go on dates with you, and I definitely fight every single day not to kiss you, but I want you to feel comfortable with it, Michael. I need that as much as you do."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael only eases off the touch when Alex turns to face him and Michael has to look at him instead of touching him. He says nothing about the goblins, because he'd never seen them, but he believes that Alex had, so something is probably going on there.

As to the rest, he shrugs. "It was definitely worth it," he promises, voice subdued. "I'll wear it all again, just not together, and I needed more clothes," he says. "I'd spend every fucking dollar for you, even if it meant finding another truck to sleep in. It's warm enough," he says dismissively.

"It's not even cold out," he adds, because he's not.

He takes the phone and plugs in a date in early August. It's three weeks away, at least, and honestly, every time they do this, Michael thinks he'll fold, so three weeks seems like an eternity. Plus, it'll be nearly two months by then. "Keep coming by the shop," he insists. "It'll feel beyond right," he guarantees.

[unendurable]

"Worth it or not," he murmurs softly. They're so close and it's comfortable, and easy between them. "I still want you to know you don't have to, because you as you are makes me happy. You always have, even when I was scared and stupid and not acting like it, I want you to know it's true, Michael so whatever we do, however we share time? I'm happy with that."

Making a face at that, rolling his eyes. "You're not cold because aliens never get cold," he mutters, but he's smiling a tiny bit, the corner of his eyes crinkling.

A smile that grows as Michael sets the date of their first date. "I'm going to. Promise. I have to support myself until I make it, right? So working there with you is the best option I can think of."

But it's mostly because Michael says it would feel right. That's all he needs.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael loves just standing here where he can glance up at any point in time and see the stars above them. His smiles is dazed and comfortable, even though he's only had a few beers to drink, and he slots his forearm right up against Alex's, making sure the rose is safe.

"I don't know about other aliens, but this one definitely runs hot," he agrees, thinking about how it had looked on Alex's heat radar thing. "You never complained when we shared a bed," is his smug and vindictive reply.

He holds out Alex's phone to him, giving him a nervous smile. "I love you in the shop. I mean, besides the part where you've already improved our systems, I'm not joking about how the women love to come in and look at you. I picked up three new clients last week because of you and your polite, sweet man thing."

[unendurable]

There's a delightful ease between them that they've never had before. Not quite snuggled up together, the stars overhead and Alex tilts his head back, looking up as Michael is, staring at the sky as they talk.

"I'm not complaining now," he says, lowering his head to look at Michael. "I'm thankful for it now," he murmurs. "And it doesn't matter about others. Just you." It's all that has ever mattered to Alex, no matter what came between and no matter for how long.

Taking the phone, he slips it in his back pocket to not break the closeness between them. Laughing though at that, rolling his eyes at Michael.

"You mean being myself without the snark?" Which is pretty much what is it. I have to say, I haven't really noticed. I'm usually distracted in the shop," he admits. "There's this one mechanic, and he's handsome and so talented with his hands." He pauses and then adds. "With cars."

[littleorphanalien]

"You say that now, but maybe you're gonna meet a hot alien, like that Solo guy," Michael quips, because he might not know Star Wars inside and out, but technically they're all aliens in that film, right? They're all in a galaxy far, far away, and that means they're not earthlings.

He still has to head out and look at that ship, it just hasn't really been on his mind lately. Alex has been. Alex has been there a lot, to the point he goes shopping for clothes to impress him and buys roses for him and spends time at the shop in between jobs useless as he stares at him.

"I like when you snark behind their backs, just for me. Makes me feel like not as shitty of a person," he quips with a grin. "And you shouldn't say that too loudly, I'm gonna get jealous of my coworker," he says, eyes sparkling since he knows Alex means him.

He nods for them to keep walking. "Come on," he says, and adjusts the sweater again. "Let's go to the end of the pier, watch the waves come in."

[unendurable]

He considers arguing it but then knowing that Han Solo is probably real, then it's likely he isn't human and Alex can't swear for sure he is. That said, the truth was, it didn't matter. Not to Alex. "Even if I met him," he says, tones firm with conviction. "I have the alien I want and he's standing right here."

Growing up as that geek kid in love with Star Wars and Star Trek Alex can't say he didn't imagine his life in some nebulous future with one an alien. He just never thought it could be this real. It's part of why he's accepting the challenge to work on his career. If he could meet the alien of his dreams, why not be a star as well. Even if only a little one.

Chuckling at that though, nudging Michael with his shoulders. "I promise I'll do everything I can not to make you jealous," he teases. "But the snark will continue." Mostly because it makes Michael laugh and he would do anything for that smile.

His hand lightly touches Michael's, not lingering just stroking along his fingers moving to head that way. "You like being by the ocean, huh?"

[littleorphanalien]

Michael could write off the shivering as being so close to the water, but he knows that's not the case. It's all Alex telling him that he's the alien that he wants. He shifts a little so that he can press his arm to Alex's as they walk.

They're not holding hands, but every step they take, his index finger lightly brushes against the back of Alex's hand, as close to holding hands as he's going to get while they're still only doing the friendship thing.

"I love the snark, I want it to continue. Honestly, sometimes it's crazy how much you and Isobel would get along, and I always think about it when you two are snarking. Birds of a feather," he guarantees with a snort. He looks to the ocean and keeps walking at a sedate pace. "It's relaxing, and out here, there's less light pollution, so we can look at the stars."