(no subject)

[littleorphanalien]

It's been a rough week.

Michael's not back to the same state he was in a year ago after he'd been kidnapped, but he's still spending a lot more time in bed than awake. Magnus is gone and that's fine, it's whatever. He's been abandoned so many times before and it's not like they were best friends. It's just that Magnus helped him recover memories of his mother. He helped him create a plan for his hand, for kids in the future. He even found the doctor for him.

He hasn't really had someone like that in his life that he trusts outside of Alex and Caleb, and now he's just, he's gone. Asshole.

So he's been sulking, and yeah, he gets up to make sure breakfast is made and Luke gets to school, but then he goes back to bed instead of fiddling with the drones. He knows Alex is going to call him on it, probably soon, but it's like there's a thundercloud over his head that he can't escape, and it's just weighing him down and exhausting him.

He misses Magnus, and he's not sure what to do about it, other than curl up in bed with a book, trying to read the feelings away.

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[littleorphanalien]

Michael knows that Alex is here for him, and it's not Alex's fault that he isn't magic. He soothes Michael in his own way, he just can't reach right into Michael's brain and find the things he wants to be found with ease.

So yeah, he wants the easy way out, but his life has been hard enough. "Right now, I want acetone," he admits, hollowly. It's not what he needs, but it is what he wants.

[unendurable]

And Alex isn't at all surprised to hear that. He shifts a bit to gather Michael to him, stroking his back still as if with that he can offer something to comfort him.. "I know you do. I also know you would hate if you had some."

He truly likes to believe that, at least.

"We need to find a distraction for you. We could take Bopp to the beach? Or plan a special night with Luke?" Just to remind Michael while acetone is not the answer.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael groans because Alex is right about that, too. He's been so good for so long that if he fucked it up after all this time, he'd be furious. Plus, the longer he's sober, the better it'll look when they do want to adopt a kid, so he knows he can't fuck it up.

The beach, though, that's a good option. Ever since they moved closer, he doesn't have to worry about it being too far. "Yeah," he says, surprised at how good that sounds. "Yeah, let's take Bopp now." Because it's not a plan he needs, it's just action.

[unendurable]

Relief courses though Alex because he wasn't sure if what he's offering is going to work, or if Michael will feel he's pushing too hard. He just wants to try and do all he can for Michael, and that means trying to help him through this.

He steals a kiss, moving to sit up. "Come on then. It's good for us both and we can talk some about ideas and plans for us and the family."

[littleorphanalien]

It's a huge sign that he's better off right now than he was when he'd been abducted. The thought of getting out of bed, then, had been impossible. Now, it's not only possible, but he's actually yearning for fresh air and watching Bopp bound around.

It's a change, a big one.

"Let me write a note for Luke in case he comes back," he says, reaching for a pen, gesturing with his chin. "Go get Bopp, and maybe some disgustingly greasy snacks. I gotta indulge somehow, right?"

[unendurable]

Alex smiles, nodding, glad to see this. He's so thankful for it but doesn't want to say it in so many words. This is a better place than he's been, and while it's so much harder for Michael than it will be for Alex in so many ways, he's still glad to see him find joy in things in their life right now.

"You got it. It'll be good for me to practice on the sand some more too."

He hasn't done it in a while, but it's part of what the prosthetic is supposed to allow and he needs to practice with it as well.

He grabs a pack and heads for the kitchen to get snacks and the leash from the hook by the cabinet.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael isn't dressed for the beach in his flannel shirt and his jeans and boots, but he still grabs Bopp's leash from Alex so he can hook her up, careful not to let her yank on him until his shoulder pops out of the damn socket, which would be the last thing he needs.

"How's your leg doing?" he asks, hoping for some good news that he can focus on, instead of just thinking about Magnus being here and then gone.

[unendurable]

"It's been doing great," he says, shouldering the pack though he has a back of chips in his hand. "No issues, no pain. It ... it really feels the closest to having my leg back as things have been and, honestly? I can't imagine it ever being better."

And he's not just saying that so that Michael feels better. Having this new leg has been amazing.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael doesn't exactly completely focus on the leg, but he feels like he can drag his brain out of the submerged mire of heaviness to at least think about sand, the prosthetic, and Alex's muscles. It's a math problem, really, and it's better than sulking about Magnus.

"Yeah?" he asks, a bit wary, because it kind of sounds a little like Alex is humoring him. "You mean that? Or is it bullshit to make me feel better."

[unendurable]

Alex stops, turning to face Michael. He stares at him for a minute, frowning though he reaches out to run his hand along Michael's arm.

"I'm telling you that because we haven't talked about it and it's truly amazing to me. It's light and there's no pressure and there's no rubbing and for someone that thought they were living with that for the rest of their life, it means a lot to me."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael is chastened a little by the reply, because he knows it's second nature for him to push and push, but he doesn't meant to do it with Alex. It's just second nature sometimes, as guilty as he is about it.

"Sorry," he admits, voice low, but, "I'm glad it's working," he says, giving Alex a nervous smile, wanting him to know how much he's glad for it. "You know I'd make you another if it wasn't working, but I'm glad I don't have to."

[unendurable]

"Michael, no. Don't be sorry," he whispers, reaching out and taking Michael's hand. He draws him in a bit, and kisses him softly. "I just want you to know that I wouldn't hide if there was a problem because I will do anything to live with as little pain as I can. You've given me that."

And for Alex that is so important to him as well. He wants Michael to understand what he's given Alex. So much he hadn't thought he'd ever have. Just for his leg alone, but so much more.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael steps into the kiss, breathing in deeply as he takes a little longer than he might normally to close his eyes and just let the feeling of kissing Alex wash over him. Even when he doesn't feel right, this does, and he knows that it's something that he'll never take for granted.

He lets out a quiet noise, a peaceful one, and gives Alex a ghost of a smile. "I wouldn't have been able to do it without Magnus," he admits bluntly. "He helped me get past a lot that's in my own head, just because he could go in there with me."

[unendurable]

Darrow had snatched them from their home and brought them to a place that has, in Alex's mind, given them everything. Things he doesn't think they will ever have in Roswell. Not just things like their family with Luke. But everything.

Here they have a home, a family, work they love, and while there's those they miss, Alex is never sure they could have this back home. It's not something he's in a hurry to find out either. Not if it means risking everything they have.

"I know," he whispers softly, stroking his hand over Michael's heart. "And I'm sorry he's gone. Just... you have to remember that you got this far because of him, and he'd be glad for that."

[littleorphanalien]

He would be proud of him, wouldn't he? Michael's not really used to dealing with things in a healthy way. He's too stubborn, too emotional, too fraught. He doesn't know how to take things like progress and move forward in a healthy way.

Still, for Alex, everything is different. He closes his eyes when his hand is over his heart, an achingly needy noise in his throat bringing him closer.

"I got this far for you," he clarifies. "Magnus just helped me along the way."

[unendurable]

"And I'm still here, Michael."

He wraps his arms around him, not caring that they're on the edge of the walking path, that anyone else might be around. All that matters is offering Michael what comfort he can.

"And I always will be. I'm so proud of you, Michael, and so proud of everything you've done. You are an amazing man. I want you to remember that. From me."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael adjusts the leash around his fingers, so Bopp won't bolt off and take him with her (though, it'd be a hilarious thing to see, faceplanting into the sand, which is why he's working hard to avoid something that could be recorded).

"I didn't get my shit together until here, you should only be proud of me now," he grunts, because it's still hard for him to accept any kind of generosity or kindness.

[unendurable]

"Michael, no. You have been through hell and back for so long and you're still here, you're still going strong."

And to Alex that means so much.

"And now you're getting your shit together, as you said it, and I'm so proud of who Michael Guerin, my husband, is."

[littleorphanalien]

That's what he needs to hear. He doesn't really give a shit who thinks what of him, but if Alex is proud of him, if Alex loves him, if Alex thinks he's doing well, then it all matters the most.

They've come a long way since being idiot teens in the back of his truck.

"I got one idea that could make me feel better," he admits. "Stronger, even," he confesses, his mind stuck on that moment and latching onto the idea.

[unendurable]

Stroking Michael's back, knowing they'll have to move soon for the sake of Bopp wanting to do things but for now they have one another together and they're working through things. He's so glad they've gotten to that point where they can work on these things together.

"Oh? What's that?" He looks hopeful and excited for what Michael thinks might help.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael lets his fingers loosen the leash, so Bopp can go barrelling around on the sand. He knows that their dog is a bit of a suck, so it's not like Bopp will run away, and Michael's got a nice little patch of sand and a blanket.

He hooks his fingers into the hem of Alex's shirt to pull him in, nodding to the blanket. "Let's make out," he encourages, which will distract him and keep him happy, so everyone wins.

[unendurable]

Smiling as Bopp takes off to run, knowing she won't go too far even if she wants to. She never strays to the water without others and she is more a sniff and run away with strangers than harassing them.

So when Michael makes that suggestion, he can't help but love that. Grinning as he lets Michael pull him closer and down onto the blanket.

"You know, I think that is the best idea."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael figures Bopp will trot back to them and interrupt them when they're making out, because she has that kind of timing. It's what Michael needs right now, though, namely that achingly close intimacy with Alex that he can't get (and doesn't want) from anyone else.

He tangles their legs together, sliding his palm into the back of Alex's pants to grab at his ass, pulling him in. "It's no back of the truck," he exhales, "but it's not bad, right?"

[unendurable]

Laying there next to Michael, it feels like it's a dozen years in the past at the same time. Two kids in love and scared and trying to just hold on to feeling amazing. Yet now they have it forever. They're in love and happy and all that fear is gone.

Grinning at Michael as he wriggles in a bit closer to him at that grip. "Not bad at all. Maybe a bit more sand where we might not want it, but not bad," he says, leaning in and kissing Michael. Slow. Intense. Perfect.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael's not going at this the way he did at seventeen. It's not that he's not eager, it's just that the grief has kind of stunted him a little and he's feeling a little worn out, like someone took a spoon and went at his heart.

Still, he grabs at Alex's hair to hold him, bring him closer, and kiss him desperately, letting out a needy little sound as he deepens the kiss, trying to ignore the rest of the world. It's always been good when it's just him and Alex and right now, that's all he wants to focus on.