(no subject)

[littleorphanalien]

It's been a rough week.

Michael's not back to the same state he was in a year ago after he'd been kidnapped, but he's still spending a lot more time in bed than awake. Magnus is gone and that's fine, it's whatever. He's been abandoned so many times before and it's not like they were best friends. It's just that Magnus helped him recover memories of his mother. He helped him create a plan for his hand, for kids in the future. He even found the doctor for him.

He hasn't really had someone like that in his life that he trusts outside of Alex and Caleb, and now he's just, he's gone. Asshole.

So he's been sulking, and yeah, he gets up to make sure breakfast is made and Luke gets to school, but then he goes back to bed instead of fiddling with the drones. He knows Alex is going to call him on it, probably soon, but it's like there's a thundercloud over his head that he can't escape, and it's just weighing him down and exhausting him.

He misses Magnus, and he's not sure what to do about it, other than curl up in bed with a book, trying to read the feelings away.

Comments

[unendurable]

Alex has found himself caught between wanting to do whatever he can for Michael, to let him get through his recovery and his withdrawals and all that he's been through in the last year. He's had it so rough, and Alex isn't sure what to do for Michael but to be there for him, to keep the house running, and work on keeping their life on path. Bills paid. Projects taken on. Programs written.

Then Magnus was gone, and it was just another thing on Michael's shoulders and Alex hates it. He hates that he had become so close to the warlock and just like that he's gone. And the worst part is, that it just reminds Alex how easily it could happen to them. One of them could vanish. Luke could disappear and go back to that family, to a future that they know about and that hurts so much.

But for now, he can't let himself focus on that. He needs to be there for Michael.

Texting off from an interview he head, he heads into the bedroom and stretches out on the bed next to Michael. He doesn't say anything, giving him a chance to at least acknowledge him and hoping Michael won't pretend he's not there.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael glances up from his book, not saying anything, but he moves closer to Alex. He's been a little handsier, and a little more possessive since Magnus left, almost like he's scared if he doesn't show his affection, then Alex is going to vanish too because he didn't shout loudly enough that he needs him.

Holding on tight, he peers up at him, hating that he's about to ask what he is, but it's kind of necessary. "What time is it?" he asks quietly. "And uh, what day?"

[unendurable]

There's no hesitation from Alex. He moves to wrap his arms around Michael, pulling him close and cradling him to him. Leaning into him, kissing his temple and nuzzling there as he holds him and offers what he can.

He fights not to wince though at those questions, hating them so much. Hating more than things have happened to put Michael in this place.

"It's Tuesday and it's eleven," he murmurs. "We have a few hours before Luke gets home. Did you eat when he did this morning?"

[littleorphanalien]

Michael closes his eyes to think about this morning, and he's glad that he can nod. "Yeah, I think I grabbed a piece of toast and some of the eggs I made him," he admits, even if he'd been sort of numbly moving through the motions.

At least he's getting up, getting Luke ready for school, and eating. At least he's still talking. It's miles above the last time he was like this.

"I keep expecting it to go away," he admits, "the hurt, the ache, because it's happened to me so many times, but it's still just there."

[unendurable]

It's at least a start, and he's glad for that. It's one step at a time, and it means that Luke saw it and it's one step at a time. It's a start and he's glad for it. Even if he's worried that it's not enough.

"It won't go away, Michael, because you care. And that's a good thing. Caring means we have Luke. Caring means we have the friends we do here. Why Caleb is part of your life." And Magnus. Why he had been so close to Magnus.

"And that's a good thing, Michael. Because after all you've been through you still have a loving heart," he says, shifting to rest his hand over Michael's heart.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael doesn't necessarily need to be cheered up, but it also doesn't hurt any. He gives Alex a slow smile, almost like he's still a bit nervous to be too happy. "Yeah, but then they're just gone," he says sharply, "and Magnus, he was more than my friend, he was helping me."

He sounds furious and lost, all at once. "He got me the doctor, when things got better, I was gonna ask him for help in adopting, because he did it with Cat, and now he's just, he's gone," he spits out, knowing this is selfish, but it's not like Michael has that many people like Magnus who swan into his life.

[unendurable]

"And we have to hope that they're all together," he says softly since all three of them vanished at the same time. "Maybe they managed a way home, with Cat." It's what Alex has to believe. For his own sanity and his own security of all he has. He has to believe it.

"And he helped you, Michael, and we'll keep following the path he set for us," he says softly, wanting to offer what support he could. "For your hand, for Luke. For someone that meant that much to our life. To your life."

[littleorphanalien]

It's already depressing enough not having Magnus here. Michael doesn't even want to think about if he's gone to a place and doesn't even have his family.

Groaning, he lets the book slip out of his hands, burying himself in blankets before an avalanche of depressing feelings washes over him. "Yeah, but it won't be with him. And I trusted him," he gripes. "He had magic and could work into my head, and pull the shit out that even I didn't know. He was my best shot at getting some of my memories back."

[unendurable]

Alex sighs, moving to rub Michael's back and just offer what he can. He can try and talk him through it but he knows that it isn't that easy. Alex knows he hasn't bonded with anyone like Michael has, except for Luke and he knows that maybe this is why. It's hard enough imagining losing Michael.

"He was your best shot but that doesn't mean only. We'll figure it out. You're not alone in this, Michael. I'm here for you. Whatever you need." But he knows he can't help, and that hurts but this is about Michael.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael knows that Alex is here for him, and it's not Alex's fault that he isn't magic. He soothes Michael in his own way, he just can't reach right into Michael's brain and find the things he wants to be found with ease.

So yeah, he wants the easy way out, but his life has been hard enough. "Right now, I want acetone," he admits, hollowly. It's not what he needs, but it is what he wants.

[unendurable]

And Alex isn't at all surprised to hear that. He shifts a bit to gather Michael to him, stroking his back still as if with that he can offer something to comfort him.. "I know you do. I also know you would hate if you had some."

He truly likes to believe that, at least.

"We need to find a distraction for you. We could take Bopp to the beach? Or plan a special night with Luke?" Just to remind Michael while acetone is not the answer.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael groans because Alex is right about that, too. He's been so good for so long that if he fucked it up after all this time, he'd be furious. Plus, the longer he's sober, the better it'll look when they do want to adopt a kid, so he knows he can't fuck it up.

The beach, though, that's a good option. Ever since they moved closer, he doesn't have to worry about it being too far. "Yeah," he says, surprised at how good that sounds. "Yeah, let's take Bopp now." Because it's not a plan he needs, it's just action.

[unendurable]

Relief courses though Alex because he wasn't sure if what he's offering is going to work, or if Michael will feel he's pushing too hard. He just wants to try and do all he can for Michael, and that means trying to help him through this.

He steals a kiss, moving to sit up. "Come on then. It's good for us both and we can talk some about ideas and plans for us and the family."

[littleorphanalien]

It's a huge sign that he's better off right now than he was when he'd been abducted. The thought of getting out of bed, then, had been impossible. Now, it's not only possible, but he's actually yearning for fresh air and watching Bopp bound around.

It's a change, a big one.

"Let me write a note for Luke in case he comes back," he says, reaching for a pen, gesturing with his chin. "Go get Bopp, and maybe some disgustingly greasy snacks. I gotta indulge somehow, right?"

[unendurable]

Alex smiles, nodding, glad to see this. He's so thankful for it but doesn't want to say it in so many words. This is a better place than he's been, and while it's so much harder for Michael than it will be for Alex in so many ways, he's still glad to see him find joy in things in their life right now.

"You got it. It'll be good for me to practice on the sand some more too."

He hasn't done it in a while, but it's part of what the prosthetic is supposed to allow and he needs to practice with it as well.

He grabs a pack and heads for the kitchen to get snacks and the leash from the hook by the cabinet.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael isn't dressed for the beach in his flannel shirt and his jeans and boots, but he still grabs Bopp's leash from Alex so he can hook her up, careful not to let her yank on him until his shoulder pops out of the damn socket, which would be the last thing he needs.

"How's your leg doing?" he asks, hoping for some good news that he can focus on, instead of just thinking about Magnus being here and then gone.

[unendurable]

"It's been doing great," he says, shouldering the pack though he has a back of chips in his hand. "No issues, no pain. It ... it really feels the closest to having my leg back as things have been and, honestly? I can't imagine it ever being better."

And he's not just saying that so that Michael feels better. Having this new leg has been amazing.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael doesn't exactly completely focus on the leg, but he feels like he can drag his brain out of the submerged mire of heaviness to at least think about sand, the prosthetic, and Alex's muscles. It's a math problem, really, and it's better than sulking about Magnus.

"Yeah?" he asks, a bit wary, because it kind of sounds a little like Alex is humoring him. "You mean that? Or is it bullshit to make me feel better."

[unendurable]

Alex stops, turning to face Michael. He stares at him for a minute, frowning though he reaches out to run his hand along Michael's arm.

"I'm telling you that because we haven't talked about it and it's truly amazing to me. It's light and there's no pressure and there's no rubbing and for someone that thought they were living with that for the rest of their life, it means a lot to me."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael is chastened a little by the reply, because he knows it's second nature for him to push and push, but he doesn't meant to do it with Alex. It's just second nature sometimes, as guilty as he is about it.

"Sorry," he admits, voice low, but, "I'm glad it's working," he says, giving Alex a nervous smile, wanting him to know how much he's glad for it. "You know I'd make you another if it wasn't working, but I'm glad I don't have to."

[unendurable]

"Michael, no. Don't be sorry," he whispers, reaching out and taking Michael's hand. He draws him in a bit, and kisses him softly. "I just want you to know that I wouldn't hide if there was a problem because I will do anything to live with as little pain as I can. You've given me that."

And for Alex that is so important to him as well. He wants Michael to understand what he's given Alex. So much he hadn't thought he'd ever have. Just for his leg alone, but so much more.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael steps into the kiss, breathing in deeply as he takes a little longer than he might normally to close his eyes and just let the feeling of kissing Alex wash over him. Even when he doesn't feel right, this does, and he knows that it's something that he'll never take for granted.

He lets out a quiet noise, a peaceful one, and gives Alex a ghost of a smile. "I wouldn't have been able to do it without Magnus," he admits bluntly. "He helped me get past a lot that's in my own head, just because he could go in there with me."

[unendurable]

Darrow had snatched them from their home and brought them to a place that has, in Alex's mind, given them everything. Things he doesn't think they will ever have in Roswell. Not just things like their family with Luke. But everything.

Here they have a home, a family, work they love, and while there's those they miss, Alex is never sure they could have this back home. It's not something he's in a hurry to find out either. Not if it means risking everything they have.

"I know," he whispers softly, stroking his hand over Michael's heart. "And I'm sorry he's gone. Just... you have to remember that you got this far because of him, and he'd be glad for that."

[littleorphanalien]

He would be proud of him, wouldn't he? Michael's not really used to dealing with things in a healthy way. He's too stubborn, too emotional, too fraught. He doesn't know how to take things like progress and move forward in a healthy way.

Still, for Alex, everything is different. He closes his eyes when his hand is over his heart, an achingly needy noise in his throat bringing him closer.

"I got this far for you," he clarifies. "Magnus just helped me along the way."

[unendurable]

"And I'm still here, Michael."

He wraps his arms around him, not caring that they're on the edge of the walking path, that anyone else might be around. All that matters is offering Michael what comfort he can.

"And I always will be. I'm so proud of you, Michael, and so proud of everything you've done. You are an amazing man. I want you to remember that. From me."