(no subject)

[littleorphanalien]

Michael's been in this house for a few days and he's starting to realize that there's no other shoe that's going to drop. Alex isn't going to hurt him. They're not going to send him out in the cold. Luke's pretty cool and Bopp's really sweet, and it almost feels like a home. Of course, every time it's too good to be true, something comes out of nowhere to ruin that, but if this is really his home when he gets older, then it's not so bad.

Besides, the pod in the bathroom and all the alien materials around make it clear that he really does live here and trust in Alex.

It's why he pries the guitar from its case and tentatively approaches where Alex is sitting with the computer in the main room. Bopp is in tow, bounding at his ankles and she's kind of cute. He kind of likes her -- just like he kind of likes this place. "Hey," he calls over to Alex, nodding to get his attention. "So uh, you said you could teach me how to play the guitar?"

Comments

[unendurable]

"Michael, I lost my leg learning to defend myself and others. You don't have to run," he promises him. "Whatever it takes to keep you and Luke safe, I will do it."

He's faced mercreatures on the beach and faced down ghosts and run through traffic, just in this place. whatever it takes for them.

"Now, try and keep your fingers like this, and strum the strings," he says, showing him how his fingers should be.

[littleorphanalien]

He doesn't argue, but he knows that he might. If the situation gets bad, he would definitely have to bolt, and he would. To stay safe, he would. Maybe he'd bring Alex and Luke and Bopp with him this time, though. After all, they've been giving him a warm place to stay.

Michael bites his lip and strums, and it doesn't suck. It actually sounds pretty good. He lifts his gaze to Alex in surprise and wonder, proud of himself, and does it again. "Like that?"

[unendurable]

Alex knows that he will do anything to defend Michael, whether in this form or as himself. Whatever it takes to keep him safe since he hadn't before.

He smiles though at that sound, nodding. "Just like that," he says softly, loving how well he did in that moment. "How does it make you feel?"

[littleorphanalien]

He strums a few more times and takes a moment so he can take stock of what it does for him. He's thoughtful for a long moment, and then says, "Quiet," he admits, almost like it surprises him. "My brain, it feels...quiet," he says and gives Alex a look of wonder, like he's amazed by that.

"It's always so noisy in my head, but this makes me focus on the guitar." He strums again and looks eagerly at Alex. "Teach me another one?" he pleads.

[unendurable]

Alex watches Michael, seeing the look on his face and he can't help but smile. He deserved this and lost it as well. More and more he wishes he could change things for Michael, could go back and give him all he can.

Now he just has to make sure to do it now.

"It's one of the things you learn that brings you quiet." He's not telling him the others is them, not when he's a kid and Alex is old.

So instead he changes the position of his hands, showing him another chord to play.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael stares at the guitar, and he's so sensitive and nervous about breaking it, but Alex is showing him how to play the chords, which Michael shifts between eagerly, not paying attention to what else might quiet his chaos.

It doesn't matter, when he's got this.

No one's ever given him lessons or care or attention or even what he needs to make this work, so he can't believe that he's getting this. "You miss him, I bet," Michael says evenly. It's been a few days and he's still young, so he's pretty sure that means Alex isn't getting much company.

[unendurable]

Alex is patient, wanting Michael to have this. Even after he leaves, older him deserves to have memories of someone being good to him when he was young. Even if they are Darrow based.

So he shows him the chords, teaching him a song but he hasn't told him that.

"I miss some things, yeah, but I'm just focusing on you and Luke and here and now. I have every faith in the universe that the promises I made won't be broken. Even by this place."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael doesn't know the song, doesn't recognize any of it, but he follows Alex's instructions because it sounds right and it sounds pretty, even. "So I'm not gonna be here forever," he anticipates, because that's what he's hearing.

"How's that work?" he asks quietly. "One day, I just...stop being here? I go back to Roswell and being alone and hurt and he comes back and gets to be happy?" He's bitter, and it's himself that he's mad at.

[unendurable]

"I don't know," he says softly, considering this and how they went through it before. "I don't think that's entirely how it works," he admits, because he wants to assure Michael it won't happen.

"I think you're just Michael regressed to this age. So that happened and it's over. Eventually you'll just age back up. You never have to go back to that again. Right after Michael and I got here? We found ourselves teenagers again. We remembered everything when we came back. So you'll likely never go back to that. You're just going to wake up Michael again... and then hate me for teaching you this song," he says with a sad smile.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael plays the two chords again, considering that, but the anger is brewing again. He's mad. He's so mad, because he doesn't remember it. He doesn't remember being happy, and he's just gonna suddenly go away. Some older Michael is going to come back and get to be happy and he ducks his head down to fixate on the guitar, sniffing in sharply.

"Older me," he says, playing the first chord, "he'd know all the things that happened after. And you would too," he says, with the same critical eye that he's used a lot. "Is there anything else that I should do? That I should have a memory of?"

[unendurable]

"Yeah, I can think of a lot of things. We have time, Michael and there's things I want you to have," he says, shifting closer to him.

"One, I'm going to teach you to skateboard, so you can kick my ass about that too," he says, smiling though his eyes are full of tears. He's so scared to do this next thing, but Michael needs it. He deserves it.

"I want yo to have memories, Michael, of all the things you should have had. Like someone sitting here and showing you, and making you pancakes and..." He takes a breath, shifting to make space at his side, to open his arms to Michael. "Would you come here? Let me hold you?"

[littleorphanalien]

Michael loves the idea of getting to skateboard. "It's fine, at least this time I'll skin my elbows and knees that way instead of being shoved," he says dismissively, setting the guitar to the side, and looks at Alex tentatively.

It's on the tip of his tongue to shout at him and accuse him of being gross and wanting to take advantage of a kid, but he wants a hug. He wants a hug and he wants to be held.

No one's ever hugged him, never, not that he can remember. It's why the guitar gets shoved to the side with a discordant note and he stumbles into Alex's arms, burying his face in his chest as he clings to him tightly.

[unendurable]

Alex gathers Michael close, hugging him to him. He knows it might seem weird because of their relationship, but this isn't about that. This is about Michael getting things he's always wanted and needed, and that when he's himself again, he'll remember.

Maybe it's not the same but as a child someone will have cared for him, and held him, and taken care of him. It's all Alex can offer, but it's what he wants to give Michael in any way he can.

"Whatever time we have, Michael, I'm here for you. Okay? We'll play guitar and take Bopp for walks and share dinners as a family, okay? Because beyond anything else, you've always been my family, Michael. I just wasn't always smart enough to see it," he says, crying softly as he rubs Michael's back.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael stays there, stubbornly pressed up against him, even if his brow is furrowed and he's trying so hard not to be emotional. He's learned to keep all his emotions buried and steady, not like this. He clears his throat and steps away eventually, but not before he squeezes in once more for the warmth.

When he stares up at Alex, the emotion has faded and he's managed to get himself under control. "Why are you crying?" he asks, trying to hold himself together as best as he can. "Isn't it happy, for you?"

[unendurable]

Alex keeps him close, stroking his back and pressing his cheek to those curls. Closing his eyes tightly, reluctant to let him go even as Michael moves to step back. Taking a deep breath, he rubs at his eyes with the heels of his hand.

"Sorry," he mutters softly. "I am happy. I just wish you had always had this," he admits. "And I wish I could give you more of this."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael's still not entirely trusting, which is why his brow is furrowed and his lips are twisted up, like he still isn't entirely sure what to do with Alex's emotions when his own are still such a mess. Still, he liked that hug, and he likes this house.

He likes Luke and Bopp and the good meals, and he's willing to put up with a lot.

"Yeah, well, I didn't have it," he says bitterly. "No one wants me. Just the shittiest people."

[unendurable]

"Yeah well... I want you, even when you're being a dick," he says, giving him a look.

"And I know it's not the same, since I barely knew you back then and I know I screw it all up but I'm just telling you that if you stay like this and grow up here? None of this changes. So don't think I'm only doing this because you'll be like you were again. It's because it's you, not because of who you'll be."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael can't help his barked laugh, almost in shock. "Did you just tell an eleven year old orphan that he's a dick?" he accuses because it kind of sounds like he did and that takes balls. Hell, he's almost impressed.

"If I stay like this, you lose your husband. Or fiance," he clarifies, shrugging as he points to the plans and the ring. "I don't know if these are for something that's happened or something that's coming up." Either way, it would suck a whole lot for him, that's all he's saying.

[unendurable]

"You mean the eleven year old kid who totally let me start making eggs before demanding pancakes just to see if I'd tell him off and throw him out? You mean, did I just call that kid a dick?" Giving him a sharp look and a raised brow, but he's nearly smiling.

"My fiance," he says, nodding. "The wedding is in July. And if that's the case, then it's how life is. Will I miss him? Every day of my life," he says, trying not to cry again. "But you're here until he is. It's your home, and I want you here as long as you'll stay with us."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael tries not to smirk, but he kind of can't help it. Here he thought he'd been pretty clever about the pancake play, but apparently Alex had been onto him. "You figured that out, huh," he says, but he's not admonished so much as really stupidly amused.

He shrugs, like it's fine, because it is.

So what, he got caught on that. And it sucks, if he's the one here, but he kind of likes the idea of having a family, but not at the cost of his older self losing this. "Maybe someone could like, do something. Alien power me back to normal?" He glances to the pod. "Or I could put you in the pod while I grow up and then take you out when we're the same age again."

[unendurable]

"I did, and I can't blame you for it. You don't know me, and you had to know what I would do. I get that,' he admits, shrugging and not bothered by it. Not in the least.

"Maybe, and this place might do it. It did it before when we were both teenagers again," he admits. "But if not? We'll look into the pod and what's needed to make it happen," he says, allowing for that. "I'll ask you move me out of the bathroom though," he teases.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael still looks at Alex considerately, reaching for the guitar again and bringing it back up. "Will you teach me the chord that comes next?" he asks, and says nothing about whether or not he's willing to let him think about taking the pod out of the bathroom.

After all, they don't need to get there yet.

"Then, maybe," he says tentatively, "could I nap with Bopp today? If that's okay?"

[unendurable]

"Of course," he says, moving to put his hands in the right position, to show him what the next chord is.

But then Michael asks that, and Alex has a sudden rush of doubts and disappointments he hadn't expected. Including if he's made Michael think the worst of him somehow, that the hug was too much.

"If that's what you want," he says, staring at Michael's fingers and adjusting them slightly on the strings, not that he does much to them. It's just better watching his fingers than looking up at him. He can only guess how upset he looks given how he feels.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael leans over to play the next chord, but when he looks up to brag, Alex's face looks fucking miserable, and Michael isn't sure why. He tracks back over his words, and then makes an incredulous face when he thinks he lands on it.

"Wait," he says, wrinkling his nose. "You can nap too," he insists. "I didn't think adults napped, that's all," he scoffs, like he's the affronted one here for thinking a grown man didn't want to lie in bed in the middle of the day curled around a dog. "You're not disinvited just cuz I want the dog."

[unendurable]

Alex is smiling as Michael plays the chord, despite it being a rough smiling. He really is glad for Michael to have this, and remembering only now how it came to him and how amazing Michael is when he plays.

He glances up at Michael, shrugging. "I know I'm being stupid," he admits. "And I don't want you to feel... I don't know, creeped out. It's really okay."

And now he feels stupid about how he's acting. Or worse, like he's coming off predatorily.

[littleorphanalien]

Michael sets aside the guitar, shuffling to the edge of the couch even though he grips it with his hands, peering up at Alex. "It's not stupid," he says, blunt as always, because it's not. It's just not what he'd expect, and okay, so it's a bit weird.

But it's a big bed and it's Alex's bed.

"Besides, maybe it's like fairy tales," he admits. "Suddenly, I'll wake up back to normal?" He pushes down with his toes to massage Bopp's fur. "I don't care if you wanna join or not."

[unendurable]

"I just want the time with you I can have," he admits. "And I want you to have all the memories from this that you can, Michael. I know it won't change the past, it won't fix what was done to you, but it gives you other memories as well," he says softly.

He reaches over slowly, ruffling those curls if Michael lets him. "Whatever happens, your home is here, Michael. That's all I want you to take away from this. No matter what happens."

[littleorphanalien]

Michael lets him. It's been a few days and he knows when Alex touches him, it won't be in anger. It also won't be too affectionate, because Alex has been over paranoid about that, trying to keep things proper. Michael soaks it up, the touch from someone who cares about him, his eyes remaining shut as he blinks.

Then, he inhales a little and pushes it out. "Thanks, Alex," he mumbles, and pushes to his feet again, this time to initiate the hug, burrowing into Alex's torso as he clings to him. "Sorry you have to hurt to do that."

[unendurable]

That Michael comes in for a hug is nearly enough to make Alex completely and wholly break. He nearly collapses then, clinging to Michael as he presses his face to the top of his head. Eyes closed tight, trying so hard not to sob.

"You're welcome, Michael. It's okay. It really is. Whatever we have to do, we'll get through this, okay? All of us."