for zoe

[littleorphanalien]

The thing is that most days, Michael can cope.

Yeah, he uses his powers and he misses acetone so badly it actually hurts (the whole nosebleed thing is a problem he hasn't solved) and sometimes, his hand aches so badly that he needs booze. On those days, it's really rough. Normally, he'll think about the hand surgery he's still wary about or the adoption that they're still trying to plan for.

Normally, he'd call Magnus and get just enough of a reminder of why he's doing it.

Magnus isn't here anymore, though. Michael's lost another friend, and it's not like he has that many that he can lose them like they're nothing. He doesn't want to burden Alex with it either, because Alex is already doing the lion's share of the work in keeping Michael's head above water, and he's really fucking trying to keep this away from Luke.

He does have one person who'll understand, though. He's pretty much the worst when it comes to reaching out for help, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So he texts Zoe and asks if she'll meet him on the beach near his place, because right now, he really needs someone who gets what he's going through and more than that, he needs someone who understands that need to soothe it with something else.

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[intherealworld]

For a while, those last few years before she arrived here, Zoe can't claim to have had much in the way of friends. Of course, it didn't help when her sister unceremoniously decided to move them twelve hours away from the place where they grew up, but even before that, she didn't have much of a social life. She was always a bit scattered, really, prone to drifting, and then she got sick, and then she started self-medicating, and none of it was particularly conducive to getting, or staying, close to anyone.

In Darrow, it's been different. There are people she cares about, and who care about her, who don't just write her off the way she didn't realize she'd become so accustomed to after so much time spent with only her sister for company. So when one of them texts her, she doesn't hesitate to respond, texting Michael back to let him know she'll meet him on the beach where he asked her to.

It's nice weather for it, even, spring in full force now, though she has a feeling that's not why they're here. Carrying an iced coffee that she picked up on her way here, she waves with her free hand when she spots Michael and heads in his direction. "Hey," she says. "So I'm guessing we're not out here just to enjoy the weather or whatever?"

[littleorphanalien]

He's sitting on his hands on a towel he'd grabbed from the house, trying to keep himself from focusing on how easy it would be to head to a drugstore and buy some acetone. He gestures to the second towel he'd brought with him, because he knows it'd be shitty of him otherwise to expect her to hang out with him and get sand in all kinds of uncomfortable places.

"There's weather?" he quips, giving her a smile that says that he's definitely not wanting company to stare at the sun or whatever.

"I'm having a bad day," he admits evenly, "and I don't think I can go to a meeting without someone calling the psych ward, cuz honestly, missing the booze is one thing, but I'm missing the other one a hell of a lot more."

[intherealworld]

"So you thought you'd bring a meeting to you instead?" Zoe asks, teasing, but gently. The truth is, it feels good to be turned to under such circumstances. There was a time when she thought she wouldn't be capable of that, or maybe it was just that her sister thought she wouldn't be and made that clear at every turn. Besides just being steadily sober for a long while now, though, their friendship goes far beyond that now, and she doesn't really doubt that, while sobriety and having struggled with it is one thing they have in common, it isn't the only reason why she's here, just to be a walking, one-woman meeting.

Taking a seat on the second towel, she leans back on her palms, angled toward him, expression thoughtful. "Any specific kind of bad day, or just... woke up feeling shitty kind of bad day?"

[littleorphanalien]

That got a laugh from Michael, even if it felt strained and his smile felt like it was weighed down with the reality that he desperately did need a meeting that came to him. So, really, Zoe's a lifesaver.

"I don't know if you knew him, but uh, Magnus, he disappeared," Michael shares, once that laugh died down and he could focus on getting to the hard stuff. He flexed his bad hand, the tendons and muscles cramping and aching, even if he wasn't sure if that was just happening on its own, or because of the topic. "It's not like he was my best friend or anything, but he was helping me with my memories, and with finding a doctor to fix..." He waves his bad hand in the air.

Then, a deep breath later. "And it still hurts like fuck all the time, but the only thing that ever worked to dull that pain was acetone, but I drank way too fucking much of that and always with booze, so that's a no-go anymore."

[intherealworld]

Although she never met Magnus, Zoe has still been in Darrow a long time, and she's pretty sure just about everyone here knows of him in some way or another. His parties are — or were, she supposes — pretty memorable. That seems mostly beside the point now, though, something she sets aside as she listens to Michael continue. It explains why he texted her asking to meet — not that they would have needed an excuse to hang out, but she's had a feeling from the start that there was something specific going on, and those pieces seem to fit together a little better now.

"Makes sense," she says, nodding thoughtfully. "The one's too tied to the other." Considering what he's said for a moment, she's aware that she might be about to overstep a bit, but she tries not to be too blunt about it, aware that it has to be a sensitive subject. "Are you going to keep trying to find a doctor?"

[littleorphanalien]

He shrugs, his instinct to get sullen and stop talking about the whole thing, but that's why he's here, right? He's here to talk about it with a friend, since he can't do that with Magnus anymore. "Yeah, I mean, yeah." It should be obvious and easy, but it's not.

"The thing is, I know my organs don't look normal," he confides, "they light up like crazy under x-rays and other tests, and after I got kidnapped and nearly vivisected last year, doctors and me..." He makes a face, because it's not so easy to trust.

So there's the issue. Fix his hand and crave acetone less, but trust that he isn't going to become a science experiment or just fucking endure the pain, always. "What would you do?" he asks.